If you’re a fan of the Tao of Indifference, chances are you’ve already heard of the bigger names in the dating app field. Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, and so on. We know them, and we love (or hate)them to varying degrees, but what about the apps and sites that don’t get the spotlight. What about the dating apps and sites that are a little less mainstream, but awesome nonetheless?
Well, we figured, why not just talk about them? So, in this episode we talk about some apps and sites that maybe you haven’t heard of. Sure you’ve heard of Match, but have you heard of Bae App? Or Dragonfruit? Or How About We? Or Happn? Don’t worry, we have, and we dive into those apps, and quite a few more, in this episode.
What we thought was going to be a lighthearted episode about asking to do butt-stuff or a threesome with your boo/beau, turned into a pretty heady meditation on why people are afraid to ask for what they want in dating and relationships. No, not just in bed, but we cover that too.
We get into the reasons why we think people are afraid to ask for what they want, our own reasons we’ve been reluctant to share our wants in our own past relationships, what’s at the root of these fears, and finally, what the hell can we do so we aren’t so afraid to speak up and be happy. We think you’re going to love this one.
Whether it’s done out necessity, in secret, as a compatibility test, or just convenience, cohabiting represents a major milestone in most relationships. In modern society, especially in the west, cohabiting before marriage has become a widely accepted cultural norm. Which got me thinking…why don’t we ever really talk about what it’s like to live with a significant other? Who out there really talks about what it’s like to live with someone outside of a marriage?
So we figured, we might as well be the guys to talk about it! We get into some of the ways that cohabiting can strengthen your relationship, and some of the ways in which it can weaken your relationship. Fair warning, there’s some pretty weird TMI stuff in this episode so consider this one especially Not-safe-for-work-or-kids-or-if-you-want-to-maintain-the-illusion-that-Demetrius-isn’t-super-weird.
With the rise in popularity of dating apps that focus mostly on your photos rather than a matching algorithm or a lengthy profile, you must have great photos if you want to go on dates. Gone are the days when you could have grainy flip-phone quality photos on your dating profile and excuse it away. With so many of us carrying around a decent camera in our pockets, the bar has been raised. Dating photos are becoming more and more important, and the standards for the quality and content of those pictures are only going to increase. I may be a dating “expert” but even I can take a few pointers from someone who knows a thing or two about the importance of good dating photos…and that’s why our guest for this episode is Saskia Nelson.
Saskia Nelson is the founder of the world’s first & coolest dating photography business, Hey Saturday, and is a leading industry expert in the UK &US on all things dating photo related. You can find her on twitter at @Saskia_Nelson, and on the web at www.heysaturday.co. Saskia knows a thing or two about what makes for a great dating profile photo, so I wanted to have her on the podcast to give you all, and me, some tips to make sure the photos we use on dating sites are telling the right story about who we are. We get into what sort of pictures make people swipe right, common mistakes people make, the advantages of having professional taken dating photos, prepping for great photos, and why your dating profile should feel like a magazine cover.
This episode is short, but I promise you’ll dig it. I’ve read countless articles, and watched countless videos that try to teach people how to get over their Exs. A noble pursuit, but what happens when you’ve taken all the advice you can, do everything you think you should, and you’re still wondering “Am I over my ex?”. Well wonder no more!
We’ve got tips to see whether or not you’re over your ex, some warning signs to look out for that probably mean you haven’t moved on, our own fears, and whether not you can move on from an Ex and still hate them.
Everyone talks about knowing what you want out of dating is the first step to meeting someone. What sort of partner you want, what sort of partnership you want, and what goals you want to meet together are extremely important in your romantic search. Whether it’s a non-monogamous, childless marriage, or 3 kids, a picket fence, but no wedding ring, or something in between, being on the same page with your partner is important. Daters are told (sometimes by me) that we need to know what we want before we go out and look for it. Sound advice for sure, but it got me thinking. Why don’t we look at our dating and relationship goals on a micro scale? We might have the same long-term goals as the people we date, but what if our short-term don’t align? Isn’t that just as bad as dating someone who doesn’t share the same long-term goals?
Should daters have short-term dating goals? Should we structure how we look at relationships the way we look at job performance? Would it be great or terrible to have a formal mid-year relationship review?
Breakup horror stories are a dime a dozen. If you don’t have one, you’ve probably heard one. Break ups are a part of dating for most people, and while most people aren’t purposely trying to be hurtful, many people are still hurt when they’re broken up with. So it got us thinking: Is there a right way to break up? Does it come down to personal preference? The age-old adage “Do unto others…”, or are there specific ways to break up that are universally acceptable? Let’s figure it out together!
So, what’s the deal with Cougars and Cubs? I’ve always been curious, and the idea of a Cougar/Cub pairing has a certain appeal to it, but I wanted to learn more, and I thought my listeners would too. To that end. I have a very special guest for today’s episode, and her name is Mary Reilly.
Mary Reilly (The DateMeister) is an Entrepreneur and Dating Expert who is currently co-authoring a book (with Martin Kelly, Ph.D.) entitled “Dating Defensively: How To Know When To Get Off At The Next Exit”. You can find her on the web at TheDateMeister.com, or on Twitter at @DateMeister. She has a BA in English (cum laude) from William Smith College, and a MBA in Marketing & Finance from Columbia Business School. Mary regularly moderates successful educational dating panels about mindful dating in the new millennium with a unique formula of dating experts representing both women and men (across the spectrum in terms of age and orientation)from four different perspectives: dating coaches, matchmakers, life coaches, and therapists. She also offers free 30-minute monthly teleseminars with important tips about being present when you are dating.
Mary has partnered with Madame X in Downtown Manhattan to offer regularly scheduled “Cougars & Cubs” parties. Her debut event will be on Friday, September 30, 2016 from 6:30 pm to 9:30 pm. Tickets can be found on Event Brite at this link, or by searching for “The DateMeister’s Debut Cougars & Cubs Party” at Eventbrite.com
I asked Mary the questions I’ve always wanted to ask a cougar. What makes a woman a Cougars? How young do you have to be to be a Cubs? What motivates them to date each other? What’s the appeal? (hint: it’s not just sex or money)
This episode, we wanted to kick it old-school a bit and answer a dating question from the dating advice subreddit, which continues to be our favorite subreddit of all time. The question we wanted to tackle starts off the way you’d expect, with a woman wondering how to choose between two men she’s casually dating, then it takes a bit of a turn. A turn toward the mediocre. Apparently, she feels like she needs to choose between two men who really just don’t do it for her. Sure it’s easy to choose between one great choice and one bad choice, but what about two mediocre choices? Your co-hosts tackle this question, and the larger idea that you need to choose A or B in dating in this episode.
98Kad3 asks: I matched with a girl on Tinder about an hour ago (I super liked her last night). She’s super pretty and plays guitar (same as me, one of the reasons I super liked her). Usually I go with just “Hey :)” as my opening message, but only get replies like 40% of the time.
What’s a better opening message than this, and what are just some general tips to keep the conversation moving forward, etc?
Also, whenever I do speak with a girl on Tinder properly, we speak for a few weeks and never meet. I don’t want this to happen. I’d rather talk and ask questions properly in person, so I have stuff to talk about if a date does happen. How can I move towards getting a date quickly?