There isn’t one reason dating isn’t working for you

Hey, it’s Demetrius, how’s it going? I hope you’re well. Listen, I keep hearing people asking why dating isn’t working for them, and I’m seeing a lot of different reasons why from people from all walks of life. Hell, if you ask me on any given day why dating doesn’t work, I’ll give you a different answer. “You aren’t putting yourself out there” or “You’re too hung up on an ex” or  “You’re not being realistic”. There’s always a reason that people will tell you why dating isn’t working. Especially dating “experts”.

There isn’t one reason dating isn’t working for you.There isn’t one specific thing holding you back from your dating goals, it’s a whole bunch of factors. No one, myself included, has the complete answer for why dating isn’t working for you. Anyone who speaks with absolutely certainty about why dating isn’t working for you is probably, by some strange coincidence, trying to sell you a product that addresses that specific issue. Funny how that works, right? Anyone who doesn’t know you personally is only guessing why dating isn’t working for you, and I’d be wary of anyone who tells everyone the same reason why dating isn’t working for them. “Dating isn’t working for millennial women because they intimidate men” is a common one I’m sure you’ve heard. Maybe you’ve even heard that dating doesn’t work for modern daters because online dating by its nature doesn’t work. Trust me when I say that I’ve heard all the reasons that dating isn’t working for people, and while some of the reasons can be true, rarely are any of the reasons universally true.

I write dating advice on a pretty frequent basis and I make no claims at all that I’m always right, or that there is always one right answer. Anyone who tells you that dating isn’t working because you’re not feminine enough, or too successful, or too educated, is just showing you their own dating biases. People who tell women they aren’t feminine enough are often the same people who benefit directly from telling women they aren’t feminine enough. People who tell men they aren’t skilled enough at picking people up in public are often the same people who sell them guides on picking people up in public place. You don’t intimidate men, you intimidate *some* men, but you have to ask yourself if you would you rather choose being single or date a man who doesn’t appreciate who you are. All women aren’t looking for guys with tree-trunk arms, a red room of pain, and a hipster haircut. Some are, and some aren’t, and you really aren’t missing out on dating someone who doesn’t want to date you.

There are some things you can fix that might be holding you back from succeeding at dating, but odds are good that they’re only a small part of why dating isn’t working for you. If you aren’t finding luck on dating sites, and your profile is sparse, fill it up with things that can lead to conversations. If you’re going on a lot of first dates that don’t lead to second dates, try to figure out why that might be and address it. It could be that your dating profile doesn’t accurately reflect your personality, your values, or how you look. If you’re not dating online, are you putting yourself in positions where you will meet new people? You’ll be single for the rest of your life if you’re never in a position to meet anyone, online or offline.

I brought this all up to tell you that you’re probably way too hard on yourself about something that is mostly out of your control. There might be someone out there that is perfect for you, but circumstances just haven’t brought you together yet. Oh, and it’s not just one person whose a good fit for you, there are tons of people out there that are perfect for you, you just haven’t crossed paths yet when you were both available. There are some things that are within your control in dating, so my advice is tackle what you can, but don’t stress out about the things outside of your control. You’re not single because you’re not ridiculously fit. You’re not single because you’re highly successful. You’re not single because you’re tall, or short, or slim, or curvy, or overweight. Some of those factors might be why specific people didn’t want to date you, but they aren’t an indicator of your worth as a person.

Being single isn’t an easy fix, because dating and relationships take work. And finding someone to even make dating work with is up to chance. You can be the best looking, most eligible single person in the world and if all you meet are married people, you’ll be single forever. Whatever you take away from this just know that if dating isn’t working for you, it’s not just because of one reason. More importantly, there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re single.

Good Luck Out There.

4 thoughts on “There isn’t one reason dating isn’t working for you

  1. Great post. I’m really guilty of this — after another failed date or relationship I start looking in the mirror to figure out why these kinds of things happen to me. But it’s not me, right?! RIGHT?! (haha) – I think it’s circumstantial and could be a myriad of factors, some of which have nothing to do with you.


  2. I understand that single people get lonely, but I really wish more men and women would take the time to really enjoy their single years. It seems no one really does that anymore. No one takes the time to get to know who they really are, what they want out of life, and enjoy the fruits of the single life. Instead, they spend it feeling like failures for not being someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend.

    Liked by 1 person

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