Can I ask out a guy I unintentionally ghosted a year ago?

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atlisse asks:

We met online and agreed to meet for coffee. The date went amazing and we definitely had chemistry. We hung out for 6 hours as opposed to the 1 hour coffee chat we had planned. He texted me later asking me on another date, and I replied that I’d love too. Two days later I got into an accident and had to spend 2 months in the hospital, where I couldn’t use my phone or the internet. When I finally got out, I texted him telling him I was sorry for wasting his time, and if he wanted we could go out again. He said he’d met someone else in that time.

Fast forward a year to present day and I recently found a new hobby that he had mentioned during the date. I really like it, but it’s made me start thinking about him again. I found out he’s single and I’d really like to ask him out again, I think we had amazing chemistry, but not sure if that would be weird or if I’d scare him away…. I’d like some advice.

Thank you!


Demetrius says:

A lot of people ask for dating advice in a certain way, that I’ve always found interesting. It usually goes something like this:

Person: Hey, I need some advice. If I want a desired result, what should I do?

Demetrius: Here is the simplest solution. Do it.

Person: I can't do that! I'll feel weird if I do that!

I get that dating is complicated. I understand that it can make people uncomfortable. I’m truly sympathetic to those who feel unease when stepping out of their comfort zone, which dating requires a lot of. But I have to ask you…if you’re looking for a relationship, if your end goal is to find a partner, would you rather risk nothing and gain nothing, or risk feeling uncomfortable, but have a chance to find love?

When you ask whether you should or shouldn’t do something, the feelings you might feel as a consequence of your actions should be the least of your worries. Yes it will be weird if you pop back up into someone’s life after a year of no contact. So what? It’s entirely possible that it will be weird after you send the first text, but that’s such a minor risk. Asking someone out can really only go 3 ways, regardless of how you receive a response. Yes. No. Maybe. Not trying only has one way of working out. If you think someone might think it’s weird that you’re asking them out because you’re a woman and they’re a guy, or because you lost contact, or because you’ve been friends for years, or whatever else, sure it might be weird but,would you rather ask them out and maybe come off weird but potentially go on a date with them, or never go on a date with them. Feeling uncomfortable is not the end of the world. 

Just ask the guy out. You didn’t “ghost” him, you had a medical emergency where you couldn’t remain in contact. People really get way too caught up in the shorthand of dating that they forget what things actually mean. “Ghosting” is just a fancy way of saying that someone, purposefully cut off contact without warning. You didn’t do that. You lost contact with him after a horrible accident that left you hospitalized for 2 months. Not the same thing as purposefully cutting off contact without warning. If your worry is around the fact that you ghosted him, drop that worry by the wayside. Oh, and while it’s nice to apologize to someone if you lose contact without warning, you didn’t waste his time. At all. You’re way too hard on yourself.

My advice is to reach out and ask him if he’s interested in going on a date. It sounds like you’ve already explained why you lost contact, so all you have to do is reach out and ask him if he’s interested in a date. Best case scenario, he says yes, worst case scenario he rejects you and you feel weird for a little bit. Not the end of the world. When you ask him out, maybe mention the hobby you picked up, mention that it made you think of him, and if you can, maybe involve it in your date in some way. It might be weird, and he might not be interested. Or maybe this is your opportunity for a second chance with a great match for you.

I think finding love is worth the risk of feeling weird from time to time.

Good Luck Out There.

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