Is it a waste of time for a guy to date online if he’s average height?

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UsernameWasGrossSoiChangedit asks:

Is it a waste of time for a guy to date online if he’s average height? For instance, 14 % of US males are 6’0” or taller, but women on tinder demanding men to be at least 6’0”. I could be wrong, but it seems to me that meeting women online as an average male is next to impossible. Simply due to the market being skewed to women’s favor. Women having too many choices. Am I wrong?


Demetrius says:

You are wrong when you say it’s “next to impossible” to date if you’re average height (or below) if you’re a guy, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy.

I don’t think that every woman who dates online is looking to date only tall men, but there definitely is a distinct advantage men have in dating if they’re tall. No matter how charming or funny or witty I am, I know that before I even speak I have a bit of an edge on guys who are shorter than me, if all things are equal. I’m  6’2” (or about 188cm) and I’m very aware of how being that tall can draw people’s eye in a crowd. That said, there are a lot of other ways that people can gain an advantage in dating. If you’re 5’7” and charismatic and your direct competition is some schlubby 6’2” guy with no social skills, his height advantage is going to be fairly negligible compared to your ability to charm women. There are ways that you can show your value that aren’t tied to what natural gifts you have, but it is harder to do that with online dating. Because you don’t really get to show your value when you’re online dating in ways that aren’t visual, it’s harder to “sell” yourself. You might be short and unattractive, but also one of the kindest, most caring and loving boyfriends in the world, but no one can see that value until well after meeting you. That said, it’s not impossible to date online if you’re not in the top 10% of height, attractiveness, endowment 😉, or whatever.

I’ve known men (and women) of all shapes and size, who had advantages physically, whether it was height, or how fit they were, or how symmetrical their faces are, who have struggled meeting people online. I’ve also known folks who you’d think would have a harder time dating because of how they look, or their height, or their body, who absolutely kill it when they’re online dating. Knowing what your advantages and disadvantages are and acknowledging them is fine, but unless your “disadvantages” are extreme, chances are good that they’re smaller things that can be overcome. You might think “woe is me, I’m 5’6” and it’s harder to date online because of that” and that might be true, it probably would be a little easier to date if you were a little bit taller, or a baller, or whatever, but it’s not even remotely close to impossible. You’d have a much harder time dating if you were 3’6”, you feel me? “I’m a bit chubby, and it’s harder for me to date” can be true too, not that I’m saying it’s right, but let’s be honest. Still though, were you morbidly obese and unable to ambulate more than five feet, it would be almost impossible for you to date. You definitely don’t have it as bad as you think.

When I was my most successful at dating, successful meaning “going on lots of dates” I was arguably not as attractive as I am today (I had a TERRIBLE mustache and my clothes didn’t fit, like at all), I made a lot less money, and I lived with a shady roommate. Now at 31 years old, I live alone, I’m much healthier, make more money, and am better overall at dating, relationships and empathizing (major key) and sure enough, its way harder for me to date. I’m still the same height, so clearly it isn’t that big of an advantage. It goes to show that what you think might or might not be a significant advantage or disadvantage is often times not as serious as you think. Sure, there are people who just wont date you if you’re under 6’0”, but there are tons of women who genuinely could not care less how tall you are. Maybe they aren’t all on dating websites or apps, but they’re out there. I mean, they must be, because you’re short, so clearly your parents were short 😝.

In all seriousness though, it’s not hopeless, it might just be harder for you to deal with. Being told “you’re not good enough because of your body” sucks for everyone, men and women alike, so don’t think that I’m saying to get over it. You don’t have to get over feeling like it’s hard for you to date, just put it into perspective. Harder to date doesn’t mean next to impossible, being short isn’t the end of the world. Sure it might be a little harder to date as a shorter guy, but you can show your value in other ways. The right women for you will notice you.

Good Luck Out There.

2 thoughts on “Is it a waste of time for a guy to date online if he’s average height?

  1. the height thing is SO tricky for guys. i’m 5’4″ and often in heels, so yeah – 5’6″ isn’t really ideal. i’m on the fence on whether or not a guy should just throw it in his bio so it’s out there, or do the whole “well get to know me and like me first so my height won’t matter.” i often lean towards – just put it in your bio. a girl who’s 5’8″ should know if she’s gonna be taller than you. the good news? there are a LOT of short women out there 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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