She seemed interested then flaked. What to do from here?


jordanbelfort22 asks:

A few weeks ago I met this girl at a bar, things moved rather fast with us making out before she said she had to leave. I wasn’t able to get her number and ended up not making a move, aside from adding her on Facebook. This past weekend she Facebook messaged me at midnight Saturday, which I didn’t see until Sunday morning, though our messaging turned into me getting her number and setting plans for a date on Tuesday that she seemed to be excited for.

Tuesday rolls around and she cancels on me the morning of (about 5 hours before) without directly asking to reschedule. So I just tried to play it cool and said no big deal and now am not sure what to do from here. First off, I’m baffled by texting I feel like I’m always boring and the conversation feels difficult for me compared to being in person, so I feel like I need my texts to set up a date/meet up because I run out of steam texting.

I’m not sure if I should try to ask her out again, or how soon to try again, like she appeared pretty interested between being the one to reach out to me first and then the content of her texts regarding going out, so the cancellation kinda sucked, just not sure what to do?

Demetrius says:

What I’m seeing in this situation is an 85% chance that you’ve already lost your shot, and a great window of opportunity for another.

Here’s why I’m leaning toward you missing out on the opportunity, through no fault of your own I might add:

  1. Not exchanging numbers at the bar
  2. Last minute cancellation
  3. The cancellation didn’t have a token “let’s reschedule” message

Those are very strong signs that things are done, but here’s why there is still a tiny window of opportunity:

  1. You have nothing to lose

Okay yeah, signs are looking bad that you’ll get a date based on what’s happened. Flaking out is never a good sign, and flaking out without a follow-up to reschedule is pretty much the universal sign that this person doesn’t want to go on a date with you. You talk about your lack of skill with building momentum while texting and I’m guessing that you screwed up getting the number at the bar which, first of all, HOW!?!?!?!? Pro tip: When you’ve been making out with someone and they announce to you that they’re leaving and you want to see them again, ask for their number. Friending people on Facebook is the least sexy way to set up a date and should be your last resort. Putting that aside, I think you’re reading the situation right. You suck at texting, she was initially excited about hanging out, but between your texts and the day of your date, she lost interest and flaked. The fact that there wasn’t even an effort to reschedule is telling me that you should just move on.

OR, just throw up a hail mary. Listen, besides dignity and pride, what can you lose by making one big, last-ditch attempt at getting her on a date? In a way, being in a position where you’ve got one big attempt left is sort of freeing. No more playing conservatively, or worrying about managing expectations, just throw one big ass metaphorical haymaker, hail mary, or whatever other sports analogy that implies a last-ditch effort out there and go nuts. How best to do it? Call her. I know you’re like, 22 years old and have never called someone on purpose, but calling is a power move if used correctly. Call her, get her on the line, ask if she wants to reschedule and have a date already planned. Don’t leave a voicemail. If you don’t reach her the first time, call once more. If you don’t get an answer purely out of curiosity, or a call back, she’s ignoring you so you can safely move on. Don’t plan an expensive date, or what you assume is an impressive date, just have a plan for a date. If she agrees to the date, don’t text after that. Here’s how the sequence of events should go:

  1. Call her and ask to reschedule if she declines, drop her. If she doesn’t get back to you after 2 missed calls, drop her.
  2. If she accepts, set a time and date and end the call.
  3. Confirm the date, via text, on the day of the date. Keep it as succinct as possible (i.e. Hey, just making sure we’re still on for today/tonight).
  4. If she cancels or flakes again, drop her.
  5. If she confirms the date, stop texting her and go on the date.
  6. Repeat ad infinitum

And for future reference, just stop texting people. It’s not your strong suit and it’s probably actively working against you. It’s better to be the guy who calls, sets a date, then goes through with it. If you’re texting and it’s so bad that you think it’s derailing your chances at dating, just don’t text. Simple as that.

Good Luck Out There.


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