Friended him yesterday and he hasn’t confirmed. Chill out, or is this a sign?


Pepperdash asks:

I met a guy yesterday evening at a friend’s dinner party. We had a great conversation and hit it off–similar interests, light flirting, etc. I meant to get his number, but there was never a good time to do it (like, we were seated in a group, surrounded by other people, etc.). So I added him on Facebook, with a message ready to go telling him it was great to meet him and suggest coffee. But…he hasn’t confirmed me yet, ~36 hours later. (Not that I’m counting, haha…)

Chill out, or take it as a sign?

Demetrius says:

Let’s say six in one hand, half a dozen in the other. You can chill, or take it as a sign, and either response would be okay.

Funny enough, almost exactly the same situation happened to me at around the same time of year, a few years back. I met a girl at a friend’s event, chatted her up, had to leave abruptly and didn’t get her number. I added her on Facebook, then sent a message asking her out. Having seen no response after the first day, I got in my head a bit about whether or not I’d ever hear from her because she was extremely attractive, like WAY OUT OF MY LEAGUE attractive, and was working when I met her, so the flirtatious banter could have just been polite conversation. Nevertheless, all my worry was for naught as she got back to me 3 days later, which felt like the longest 72 hours. A happy ending in my case, but I understand where you’re coming from. The advent of texting as the primary communication method between people means that very often, slower modes of communication tend to make us all a bit antsy. We all know if someone saw our text, but who knows if someone even checks their Facebook friend requests, or messages considering you need a separate app to do so. It can be a bit nerve-wracking for sure, because that immediacy isn’t there. The trick is to not make any actions from a place of anxiety or fear.

Here’s the thing, it’s too early to tell whether or not you need to chill, or take it as a sign that he’s not interested, but the good thing is that both of those scenarios require the same action, which is inaction. If this is a sign that he isn’t interested, what can you do besides sit on your hands? If he’s just lazy about checking Facebook and hasn’t seen your friend request, what can you do besides sit on your hands? I’m generally in favor of just chilling out when there is nothing I can do, and I advise that you do the same. Fretting over whether or not him not confirming your friend request expeditiously is a sign or not isn’t going to help you in any way, where as chilling out will help in either scenario. Obviously, I think you should chill, but there is one other option.

Your next safest bet would be to check to see if he’s interested through friends of friends. It wasn’t clear based on your question, but I’m assuming someone at this party knows this guy if you met him at a dinner party. If he’s the sort of person who has his Facebook messaging settings setup so that only confirmed friends can message him, maybe he’s not a big Facebook user and genuinely just doesn’t use it very often. So far all you’ve done is friend him, so if you wanted to take some action you could reach out to friends and see what his deal is and not come off as too aggressive. It’s entirely possible that he isn’t single and was just being polite and flirty, so if you met at a friend’s dinner party, now would be a good time to ask said friend about him. Confirm his single status, his interest in dating you, and maybe even get his number through a mutual friend if you’re feeling bold. That’d be a very aggressive move but hey, seize your opportunities where you can.

Or, just chill and wait to make a move on your own.

Either way is good, just go with works best for you.

Good Luck Out There.




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