I’m a late bloomer who is about to start dating. What happens next?


triedent ask:

Over my past few years of college, I was always very goal orientated. I am finally graduating and I realized that I have not really dated in college. I have met girls and been on some dates here and there, but nothing too extensive. I am moving back home for my job and scared I wont find anyone or meet girls like I meet them in college. Should I keep going out to meet more girls in the few remaining months of college?  I really don’t know what to do, how can I put myself out there after I finish college?

Demetrius says:

It doesn’t matter the age or circumstance, every single person you meet, at one point or another, was inexperienced with dating. For some, that means being inexperienced at 22 years old, for others, it’s older, but really the answer remains the same no matter the age of the person asking. Yes you can meet people when you leave whatever setting that you’re currently in, and no your inexperience isn’t as important as you think. Will it be just as easy to meet people when you change settings? Probably not, because each social setting, whether it’s college, or a different city, or getting new friends, brings new challenges. Maybe you go to college in NYC where single women outnumber single men so you’ve got better odds of meeting someone here than back home in South Bend,  Indiana. Or maybe it’s the other way around, but you aren’t accustomed to city living so that will pose a challenge to you. You might not be able to meet girls like you meet them in college, because you don’t live in the same enclosed area with pretty much only 18-22 year olds, but that doesn’t mean it will be impossible to meet women.

I could just leave you with that little nugget and honestly, it’d all be true, but I guess you want next steps and takeaways. Fine, let’s do this. For starters, once you get out of college settle into your new gig and start your adult life, are you sure you’ll have time to date? I know you want to date, but will you be able to date? The reason why you weren’t dating before was because you were driven to do the best you could in college, and that meant not having a lot of time to date, so, will that still be the case once you start your career? It’s not unheard of for people to work 12-14 hour days right out of college (or for their entire lives) if they’re incredibly career focused. Just bear in mind that if your drive switches from excelling in class to  working long hours to boost your career, you’ll face the same problems you did in college.  You need to be sure you’ll actually have time to date before you start worrying about what to do once you leave college. If you think you’ll try to find a work-life balance that would allow for dating, then by all means try to date, but don’t think you can have it both ways. There are only so many hours in a day.

If you do want to prioritize dating, nothing new to tell you here that I haven’t already told to anyone searching for ways to put themselves out there. Join in-real-life social networks (meetup groups, social sports leagues, trivia leagues, networking groups, etc.) actual dating sites (Tumblecupid?), and you know, chatting up strangers works just fine too. While your semester is wrapping up, try going on dates with people if you can manage the time, but be upfront about your expectations. I’m pretty sure that there are a few people out there who are in the same boat as you and wouldn’t mind a quick fling before the end of the semester. One last hurrah, and all that.

Besides that, don’t get too preoccupied with your inexperience. Your humble writer and editor (and podcaster, go subscribe on iTunes, please) was once an inexperienced lad who knew nothing of the sex, dating and relationships and 13 years later, here we are. We all start without experience, and pick it up as we get older. You’ll do fine with dating as long as you’ve got time to dedicate to it.

Good Luck Out There.

2 thoughts on “I’m a late bloomer who is about to start dating. What happens next?

  1. Oh man as a fellow late bloomer I can totally relate!! I’ve only really been dating for the past 2 years or so.

    I found that it’s a VERY quick learning curve! It feels daunting with the first person or two, and there’s uncertainty about how often to text and dating etiquette and such — then again, even seasoned daters feel that uncertainty. But after the first few tries, you very quickly pick it up and learn what’s normal, what’s not and how to date at your pace, on your terms.

    The best way to learn is to just get started! I’d use this last bit of the semester as “practice” — but only if you know it won’t interfere with school. If it will, it’s not worth it after all your years of hard work.

    But no matter when you start, just know that it’ll only take a few tries before you get the hang of it. Just have fun with it and don’t put pressure on yourself! Don’t think that every date is the be all and end all. Enjoy the journey 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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