When do you friend someone you’re dating on Facebook?

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Anonymous asks:

At what point should you friend the person you’re dating on Facebook?

Demetrius says:

That really depends on your comfort level with being FB friend with someone you’re dating, and how important Facebook is to you, and how you use Facebook. For example, I mostly use Facebook to promote the Tao of Indifference and keep track of what’s going on with friends and family. I’m not one of those people who uses Facebook to start public conversations, or to share and repost memes, nor do I use it as a platform to debate social or political issues. What I’m saying is, my usage of Facebook is pretty tame, I’m comfortable with people seeing my Facebook (it’s a public profile) and honestly, Facebook is kind of important from a professional standpoint, but not something I obsess over. If I were dating someone fairly new I would be okay with them friending me on Facebook, mostly because my Facebook profile and usage is not something that anyone would consider to be weird.

Let’s say you’re one of those people who uses Facebook primarily to have heated debates around sociopolitical issues. You know exactly what I’m talking about here, but if you don’t and you’re wondering if you’re one of those people ask yourself this: Have I ever debated an issue that can’t be resolved, like gun control, abortion rights, which politician is or isn’t a racist, etc on Facebook? If you are one of those people, I’d urge caution about friending people early on in the dating process. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with it, but just think of Facebook the way you think of a bar. If you walk into a bar and you see someone yelling about something, whether or not they have a good point, you’ll avoid them. If you knew the person well when you walked in and realized that their passion is heartfelt and not just the ramblings of a mentally ill person, you’d be okay with the rant (or more comfortable with it at least).  I’m not saying you have to change how you use Facebook or anything, I’m just saying that if you’re one of those people who uses Facebook primarily to stir the hornet’s nest, maybe wait a very long time to friend your new romantic interest so they at least know that about you before they  friend you.

If you’re looking for a very hard and fast rule, generally the longer you know someone the more acceptable it is to be friends with them on Facebook. After the first date? Eh, maybe not then. Second date? Kind of soon but if you hit it off, screw it, take the plunge. Third date, sure I guess it’d be okay by then, and so on. The longer you know someone, the less weird it becomes to friend them whether you’re dating them or otherwise. With that said, if you’re the one being friended, it’s okay to sit on that request if you aren’t comfortable accepting it just yet. If they send you a friend request after date one, it’s possible that they are just the sort of person who friends people quickly. If you think it’s too soon, neither deny or approve the request, and wait until you’re comfortable accepting it (or denying it if you guys don’t continue to click). If you are the person wondering whether or not you should send a friend request, honestly, I’d wait as long as possible before sending one. Sure, after 3 dates it might be acceptable, depending on the person, but what does being Facebook friends with someone really do for you besides give you an outlet to learn things about someone inorganically. Sometimes it’s better to wait it out and actually build a connection with someone than to go through their old Facebook posts and learn things about them that way.

Good Luck Out There.

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