She wont to let me use condoms. What should I do?

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Hitting_it_raw asks:

So I have been hooking up with this girl for about a month now. Last night we started fooling around as usual but then she just put me inside of her after sexing her up for a few minutes I said I was going to put a condom on she said she doesn’t like condoms. Nor is she on birth control she is 19 I am 23 and we are in no real position to have a child sooo how do I bring this up? are there condoms where she wouldn’t notice? Is slipping birth control in her soda weird? I just really need help any suggestions would be great. Also is it too late to ask her if she has been tested for STD’s recently?

Demetrius says:

What are you doing? Seriously, what is wrong with you? I just don’t understand how you think anything that happened is okay NOR do I understand how using subterfuge is something you’re even considering instead of just saying “Sorry, but it’s either condoms or no sex”. Kids these days, I tell ya.

I understand that you are young, and because of the transitive properties of being young you are also dumb but…give your situation some critical thought guy. You met someone a month ago, and since then she’s initiated sex without a condom. You are not comfortable with this, because you have some semblance of a brain in your head, but instead of saying “We need to use condoms because I want to mitigate the risks of contracting an STD or pregnancy” you’re trying to figure out if slipping her birth-control is a viable option (SPOILER: It’s not, what the hell is wrong with you!?) or if you can wear a condom without her noticing (again, what the hell is wrong with you?).I understand that you want to have sex, and maybe you think that asserting yourself would lose you that opportunity, but you have to think beyond your dick. Instead of trying to mitigate your risks through deception, grow a pair and demand the use of condoms. You have to weigh the risks of asking to use condoms (worst case scenario= No Sex) versus the risks associated with not using a condom (worst case scenario = contracting HIV). Oh and seriously, do not try to drug her drink with birth-control. Besides the moral implication, of which there are many, giving anyone medication without them knowing could lead to bad drug to drug interactions. Also, it’s a really fucking terrible idea to drug someone, period.

Trust me on this, it’s better to play it safe than not. I’ve given up an opportunity or two because my potential partner refused to use condoms because “they didn’t like them” or in one person’s case, because they were allergic to the condoms I had at hand (latex condoms). One of those opportunities may or may not have been a threesome and you know, despite the novelty of being able to say I’ve had a threesome which I cannot do now (I know, I know, woe is me), I’d much rather have missed out on a threesome than risk getting a random person pregnant and contracting an STD.

I understand that you’re young, but she’s a 19-year-old girl who thinks that having sex with someone she’s known for a month with no condom and no prior discussion of sexual history is a good idea. Clearly you have to be the one to make the smart decision here because obviously she wont. If you’re unclear on what decisions need to be made, here are your takeaways:

  1. Demand the use of condoms. If her issues are around the feel, sensitivity, or because condoms make her dry, there are alternatives whether they are thin condoms, different materials besides latex (caveat, those materials are often less effective at the prevention of the transmission of HIV) or the use of lubes (I would recommend using water based lubricants).
  2. Ask her about her STD testing history
  3. Get an STD test ASAP
  4. If she refuses to use condoms, stop sleeping  with her

Nothing else to say to you besides that. Stop putting yourself at risk and make a smart decision about your health and happiness.

Good Luck Out There.


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