He said “I hope we last a long time”. What does he mean?

kaycekat asks:

What does he mean if he says, “I hope we last a long time”? Does that mean he is thinking of committing in some way or making it official? Does it mean he has real feelings for me? Pretty straightforward question. We have been dating exclusively for four months and seem to be very close although we haven’t made it official.

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Demetrius says:

If I told you that it can both mean a lot and very little would you consider that a cop-out?

What he said wasn’t exactly “I love you and I want to spend my life with you” but it also wasn’t “I hate you and hope to never see you again”. If it was on a scale I’d say it’s definitely on the positive end of the spectrum. I can’t say for sure that he wants to commit, or that he has real feelings for you, because feelings are a construct of the mind and who can what lurks in the hearts (and minds) of men? Besides all that, it’s a pretty good sign when someone says something sweet about you AND it’s about a future state. He didn’t specifically give you a timeline of the progression of your relationship, but alluding to the future means he’s at least thinking about your future together and how great it could potentially be. Right now all the signs are pointing to things going exactly the way you would want them to, if you want a committed monogamous relationship. You’re not official yet, but you’re exclusively dating and have been doing that for a while now and you’re growing closer. All good signs! It seems like you’re well on your way to being in an official relationship. Congrats.

Now, here’s where I go from being all optimistic and cheery and lean more on my pragmatism. What people say when they date doesn’t matter as much as what they do. While what he said sounds great, it’s just a thing he said. Until what he said matches up with what he does, consider it as a nicety, but not a sure sign of things to come. People say a lot of things when they’re dating and I’d guess that only 10% of the time do those things actually happen. Every failed relationship probably started with a sweeping gesture or declaration about the viability and desire for a long-term/“this-will-never-end” sort of statement, and yet, so many people out there are fairly recently single, or divorced, or separated. I’m not saying that this guy wont be around for a long time, just keep in mind that what he said was that he hopes you last a long time, not necessarily that it’s guaranteed that you will. Relationships take work, so take what he said as a positive, but continue to work to build your relationship. Don’t get caught up in what people say, focus on what they do, and continue to do in relationships.

Now that I’ve brought you back down to earth a bit…I think things are going well, and the fact that he’s this sweet with you and you’ve connected is a great sign! A great sign, not a surefire can’t miss scenario, just a good sign. I’m not saying you are soul mates but all signs are pointing to future happiness, for however long that lasts. I wish you the best, and I hope your happiness does last a long time.

Good Luck Out There.