I think I blew it. Did I act too needy?

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Jaydawg1234 asks:

I met this awesome, girl on a weekend away, we shared an intimate night together and really connected. I added her on Facebook after we returned and we start talking about the weekend. She says we should hang out, and gave me her number. I sent her a text about 40 minutes after she posted her number on Facebook saying ; Hey its (my name), I’m working tomorrow night but then I’m free.’

She didn’t reply for 24 hours and the next day my phone wasn’t working so I messaged her on Facebook asking her what she was doing on Sunday (this was a Friday). She has not replied to my text or even read the Facebook message.

Did I act too needy? I was replying to her messages quite fast, but I know she was definitely interested at some point.

Demetrius says:

400 posts in and I’m still answering questions about whether or not you came on too strong and you lost your shot. What A Time To Be Alive. I love this question and its countless variants because it shows a level of introspection that a lot of people lack. This will serve you well in the future, and who knows, maybe you’ll think first, playing out scenarios in your head, then act, so you wont be in the situation you’re in. Though in your case I don’t think you really screwed up or came on too needy.

Here’s a curveball: What if you weren’t needy, and she just wasn’t that interested in hanging out with you? Better yet, what if she was interested, but somehow a text made her change her mind and you’re much better off if she lost interest over a simple text? Let’s go through your scenario again: You met by chance while away for a weekend. You slept together and “really connected” which I assume means that you had some cool conversations before and after the sexy stuff. You added her on Facebook, and started up a conversation there. She says “we should hang out” with no clear indication of when she would want to hang, and you text her within the hour (normally, that’d be a bit much, but considering you’d already had sex, I think it’s okay). She tells you she is free the next night and you reach out to set plans and she doesn’t reply, your phone isn’t working the next day so you send a followup message on Facebook. No response on either end.

Before I make a ton of assumptions, let’s be optimistic and say that actually she’s just been busy. It’s been what, a weekend? Maybe she didn’t read the Facebook message because she’s busy and doesn’t check Facebook frequently. Maybe she did reply to the text, but with your phone issues you just didn’t get it. Maybe she lost her phone and hasn’t had access to Facebook or text messaging. Or maybe other plans came up, and she’ll circle back to you next week to hang out. All those things are possible, so it’s entirely plausible that you’ll hear back from her, you just need a little patience.

Or, it’s entirely possible that she lost interest, but not necessarily because you came off as needy. It’s possible that she lost interest not as a direct result of something you said or did, though it is true that you could interpret what you did as coming on a bit strong, but she just lost interest, plain and simple. Yes, sending a text then sending a follow-up Facebook message was a bit much but odds are good that if she was really into you, she’d ignore a small misstep of double-messaging if you said in your Facebook message “Hey, my phone is screwed up so just messaging you here”. Unless the content of your text and/or FB message were so aggressive that it turned her off that it came off incredibly needy, I’m not really seeing how what you did could be so offensive to her that she’d want to drop you. The whole situation makes more sense if you assume that she’s lost interest, and no matter how often you texted her or didn’t text her, it’s likely she would have lost interest. It sounds like more than anything else you had a great one-night stand and it’s possible that this is all you’ll get.

I think you jumped the gun a bit with the back-to-back messages, but considering that at this point you’d already slept together and built a connection, it’s not like you were being needy so much as enthusiastic. She said she was free, you followed up, and she never got back to you. No foul on your end, she’s either not interested, or busy and will get back to you. Either way, don’t beat yourself up. I would say, now that you’ve reached out twice with no response, that any further response would be needy. Leave her time to either get back to you, or to never respond. No need to reach out again until she does.

Good Luck Out There.

3 thoughts on “I think I blew it. Did I act too needy?

  1. I agree on the whole maybe she didn’t read the message, a lot of people dont read their messages. I agree that he was a bit strong so maybe he should relax it a bit. If this is how he is generally it may come off strange going forward too. He may be the type that jumps the gun and could be a potential issue if someone he is dating isnt as punctual as he apparently is. congrats on the 400th post!

    Liked by 1 person

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