She wants to sleep over. Does it mean anything?

coffee-cup-bed-bedroom

I’ve been hanging out with a coworker a lot lately. I can’t tell if she likes me more than just a friend. We get along great. We have a lot of similar interests. We spend a lot of time together at work. She gets excited when we get to work together. We hang out outside of work a lot. We usually spend at least one of our mutual off days doing fun adventure stuff. It’s always just me and her. And it always ends with chillin at my place until it’s her bedtime. A couple of weeks ago we got drunk and she came back to my house and we crashed in my bed. Nothing happened. Just cuddling. I didn’t want to make anything of it.

A little over a week later we were hanging out after work and she hinted that she wanted to stay over again, so I asked her to, and she did. Again, just cuddling… I should point out that we’ve talked about our sexual hang ups not long before the first time she stayed. We’re both a little reserved in that department. I knew she didn’t want to have sex, so I never tried to take things there… A little more than a week later, the other night, she stayed over again. Is it normal for for friends to share a bed and cuddle and it not mean anything? Or does it sound like she is into me and I should ask her about it?


Demetrius says:

You know, I would definitely say on a scale of “means nothing” to “means something” all of the things you discussed definitely fall in the “means something” category.Here’s your situation laid out as simply as possible.

  • You have several common connections and shared interested and connect on those things
  • You spend a lot of time together at work and she’s excited to work with you
  • You spend a lot of time together outside of work including spending days off together
  • You always end up back at your place for late night hang outs
  • The late-night hangouts led to a sleepover with cuddling, and she’s asked to sleep over again

Breaking news: You folks are dating. I’m sorry you had to hear it from me first but trust me on this, you folks are 100% dating each other. The sleepovers, and all the other signs you point to sound very much like the early stages of dating someone to me. Congrats on your new girlfriend I guess? In all seriousness, I get where your confusion might be stemming from so let’s examine those signs you pointed to. A lot of those signs could easily be interpreted as her really enjoying your platonic companionship, which is still entirely possible but not probable. The common interests and wanting to spend time with each other? That’s absolutely something I feel about a lot of my friends, because they’re great (Except Ethan, because he sucks). Being excited to work with someone or hang out with them after work? That could very easily be a platonic thing. Spending time together at someone’s place late at night? Please, at this point in my life I pray for the day when my friends so “let’s just hang out at my place and drink here”. Now, here’s where things take a turn. The sleepovers. For one, we’ve all had one too many and said “cool if I crash here?” so that’s not that big of a deal. What is a big deal is the cuddling, because that’s a pretty conscious decision on both your parts. I’m not saying I’ve never laid in bed with a platonic friend, but I’ve never cuddled with said friend purely platonically. Cuddling is pretty high on the list of things I want to do with people I’m attracted to. The fact that there was cuddling and the request for another sleepover should tell you that there’s more than just a buddy thing going on here.

Here’s what I’m guessing. She’s been trying to send you ALL THE SIGNS that she wants to date you and at this point she’s taking more initiative by arranging sleepovers. She’s shown enthusiasm and excitement when around you, she’s put in effort to spend her free time with you, she keeps inviting herself over to your place to spend time alone with you, she initiated your first sleepover, and the next sleepover. She’s been telling you through her actions “ASK ME OUT YOU BIG DUMB-DUMB” for a while, and I think it might be time to oblige her. If you take nothing else from this piece just know that you definitely should ask her on a date. You’re already basically dating, but just make it clear that there is some romantic feeling there. People appreciate it when you tell them “I have romantic interest in you and I’m being honest and direct about it”. Maybe not in those exact words, but you get what I mean.

I think you may have been hinting that the sleepovers might mean something more than just attraction, which is why you brought up your mutual hangups about sex. Let me just say, you don’t have to worry about it being a sign that she wants sex ASAP or anything. I think that the fact that you already discussed your sexual hang ups (in addition to everything else) just means that she’s attracted to you, wants to date you, knows that dating usually leads to sex, and didn’t want the sex discussion to occur later and be awkward. It sounds like she wasn’t rushing to get into bed so much as seeing whether or not her hang ups might be deal breakers.

Honestly, I’ve got nothing more to say other than I really do wish you the best of luck. This whole situation sounds adorable and I hope you guys hit it off.

Good Luck Out There.

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