How many times can I ask a girl out?

 

city-man-person-lightsminilugly asks:

So i asked a girl out who I have had a crush on for a while now. Unfortunately she said no to this, but I don’t want to just leave it as that because I like her so much.

My issue is: Can I ask her out again without coming across as needy or pushy?


Demetrius says:

You get one chance to ask someone out. That’s it. A No is a No and you have to accept that and move on, regardless of how you feel about it. There are some instances where a second attempt might be acceptable, if for example the person specifically requests that you ask them out again later, but that is a very rare exception. For the most part a rejection, even if it kind-of-sort-of doesn’t sound like one, is a rejection. A simple No is hard to misinterpret, but things like “Oh, I just don’t have time to date” or “Right now I’m focusing on me” are also rejections, just worded in a way that sounds fairly polite. If someone is genuinely busy but interested in dating you, they’ll get back to you. If they don’t want to date right now, but would date you, they’ll get back to you if and when they’re ready if they’re genuinely interested. Either way, one attempt is usually all you should do. Anything beyond that is a waste of time on your part, and will probably annoy them.

Any attempts to get a Yes after receiving a No are always going to come off as pushy. It doesn’t matter whether or not you like a person, or whether or not you think you can’t just leave things off with a rejection, because that wont change whether or not they are interested. Attempting to change a No into a Yes will not only come off as pushy, the more times you attempt to do it will move you closer and closer into “This guy is obsessed and wont leave me alone and I wonder if I’m in danger” territory. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl, and if you really do hold her in such high regard you have to accept that she’s smart enough to make her own decisions in life and love, and doesn’t need coaxing from you.

That’s all I got. Sorry if you thought it’d be deeper than that. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.  If you  like someone, you should respect them and what they say, and if you respect this girl, you’ll respect her rejection just as much as you would respect her saying she wanted to date you. Pursuing her after a No isn’t just pushy, or needy, let’s call it what it is, rude as hell. Don’t be that guy. Dedicate the time you’d take to trying to pursue someone not interested in you into actually trying to find someone you have a shot with.

Good Luck Out There.

5 thoughts on “How many times can I ask a girl out?

    • I think an innocent outreach like that isn’t necessarily bad, but at what point do you draw the line? 2nd attempt? 3rd attempt? I just think that leaving the door open to try and try again with humor sounds good, but if a guy actually does it, it comes off as desperate. I just can’t think of anyone who tells the story of how they met the one and says “Well, he kept humorously pursuing me after I kept shooting him down, I finally gave him a shot at a date, and now we’ve been married ever since”. I think best case scenario, he gets a pity date, worst case scenario he becomes the guy who wont stop pestering her.

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