22/M, talking to a girl on Tinder that I really like, want to escalate to another social outlet but…basically I just don’t want to friend her on FB yet. I have some polarizing posts and I don’t want to be policing my content with respect to this really cool girl yet. She sent me her profile and I was tipsy the other night and may have lightly implied I’d do the same. Not unsalvagably.
Basically I just want to steer us towards Kik or Skype without it coming off like I don’t like her or am a catfish.
I’ve never thought what the people who post incredibly polarizing posts have to do when considering whether or not to add someone on Facebook. The only things that might be controversial on my page would be some of my more interesting responses to dating or sex questions. Beyond that, I tend to avoid posting anything that sounds like the person who wrote it is unhinged, or anything that sounds like I’ve begun a slow descent into Lovecraftian-esque madness. Not that I don’t think some people are idiots, or that I don’t get pissed off from time to time, I just tend to avoid making my Facebook page look like the evidence you’d need to support an order of protection against me. If you’re committed to posting polarizing posts, no judgment, but you have to know that it could, potentially, cause a problem. Let’s say you don’t friend her until 6 months into dating, is your Facebook wall suddenly going to look nice and peaceful or still polarizing? I’m not saying you should stop posting polarizing stuff, but the way you’re phrasing it sounds like you already know that a lot of what you post might turn off a potential match. Just some food for thought: If posting polarizing things on Facebook and arguing on the internet is important to you, that’s fine I guess, just be aware that unless your romantic matches are also into posting polarizing things on Facebook, you’re going to face this problem again.
PRO TIP: In Facebook, under Privacy Setting there’s a section called “Don’t Share With” and you can add her name to it. If you feel like you have to add her on Facebook but want to filter what she sees the one time instead of censoring yourself, this is the way to do it.
Let’s assume that you’re committed to the whole transition to Skype/Kik. I want to be clear, for those who aren’t aware, Skype is used primarily as a video and voice calling app, while Kik is a texting app. At this point, why don’t you just call her, setup a date, and be done with it. If you’re trying to transition from Tinder, to Skype or Kik, which supplement phone calls and text, just call her, or text, setup a date, and go on the date. I’m not saying go into it blindly, but if you’re really at the point where you’re talking about befriending each other on Facebook, or calling each other on Skype, or texting via Kik maybe you can skip to the date. Just a thought.
If you are committed to the Skype/Kik transition, and not befriending her on Facebook, and really want to not come off as a Catfish there’s a fairly simple, honest solution. You can say:
“Hey, I know we spoke about Facebook profiles but I like to add people as friends after we meet. Can we talk on Skype or Kik first, meet, and if we hit it off then be Facebook friends”.
Offering to do a Skype call is a great way to say “I am who I say I am and here is video proof”. Opening up the doors on texting through Kik shows that you’re committed to getting to know her better before your first date, and telling her you only befriend people you’ve actually met on Facebook just makes sense and is a good unwritten rule in general. You can even hint at the fact that you’d rather get to know her first before anything on your Facebook page sends the wrong message. You don’t need to get into detail, just lay things out that way and you’ll be fine.
Good Luck Out There.