Does the phrase “Will you go out with me?” work anymore?

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slk_23 asks:

I’ve heard people say that because you should hint at a date in more subtle ways, you should never make it so direct and obvious that it’s a date. You should kind of start hanging out at first, and it either turns into a relationship from there or it doesn’t. Making the stakes that clear at first can be uncomfortable, but are there any exceptions? When might this not be the case?


Demetrius says:

This is a friendly reminder that all advice given based on anecdotal experience, and that even my advice,should be taken with a grain of salt. Moving on…

I have to say, the exact term “Will you go out with me?” isn’t something I hear very often, or ever, in real life. I’m sure that the last time I heard it was while watching a sitcom. If you’re not talking about that specific term, and more a general “Do people ask others out directly anymore” the answer is, depends on who you meet. For example, Demetrius, your humble dating advice writer, will always and without fail, ask a woman on an actual date. Despite my sex positive, no judgment, progressive stances, I’m very old-fashioned when it comes to the dating approach. I don’t “hang out” with women I want to date, I take them on dates.

With that said, yes, people tend to take a more and more casual approach to dating then in the past. Some people will blame certain dating apps, or online dating in general. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter. What does matter is that people tend to avoid asking someone on a date in a clear manner. Bear in mind that just because it’s the norm doesn’t mean that you need to conform to this approach.

Which, honestly, can work in your favor. If you’re the type of person who makes your romantic intent clear from the very beginning, you become more desirable in the eyes of people who are more commitment focused. As much as the casual approach to dating has become the norm, doing the thing that other people aren’t doing will set you apart in dating. Women, if they’re interested in dating me, often tell me that my approach to dating is refreshing. Whether the label is true or not, I get the “gentleman” or “good guy” label quite a bit because directness and honesty goes a long way toward making you desirable.

So yes, there are exceptions, and if you are smart, you’ll choose to be an exception. Of course, this is based on my anecdotal experience and not like, science or anything, but being the person who asks people out on real dates and not “Netflix and Chill” is going to set you apart in the best possible way. If you prefer the casual approach, that’s cool too, but if you aren’t married to the idea of making dating casual, set yourself apart.

Good Luck Out There.

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