She keeps insisting I go to her bar. Does she like me or my money?


people-hotel-bar-drinksknownothing321 asks:

She’s not the first female bartender I’ve seen at my job, but she doesn’t act like the rest. I usually notice female bartenders acting a certain way, basically “laying it on” when they order something from my job. I didn’t even know this woman was a bartender until I found out where she worked.

Whenever she walks into my job, her face is kind of looking at the floor and it’s expressionless, then when she sees me it tilts up and she has a big smile. She more or less only focuses on me when she sees me. When we talk she’s the one doing all the talking, but it’s not stuff she’d tell a “male girlfriend,” like emotional stuff. In fact, she kind of brags about her “accomplishments,” like she’s trying to impress me. If she does that around other men, I haven’t seen it, but she could be doing that when I don’t see her…who knows.

I got her phone number a month ago. I asked her to come out with me one day. She said she was busy all day and never gave me an alternative time. So I figured that was that and moved on. But here she is again with the flirting and stuff. What makes it worse is I have coworkers and customers (male and female) wondering why I’m not doing anything with this woman. They’re the ones who really insist this bartender wants me. She invites me to her bar like almost every time I see her. If I’m being really positive I go to her bar and stay until her shift ends, then somehow she’ll have enough energy to do something after. Or is it the opposite where she’s acting this way for my meager amount of tip money.

This bartender knows I don’t make much, that I’m practically broke, and I work in a town where people have money. My one night of lame tipping doesn’t compare to what she makes without me. And I know she makes great money tipping because of her hobbies, and because she can afford to live in the town we work in.

Demetrius says:

I think that you are making a lot of assumptions about a lot of variables in this scenario and that might be influencing your opinion on things. Here are some of the assumptions I’m noticing right off the bat:

  1. That she invites you to her bar for either the money or because she likes you romantically
  2. That her body language indicates attraction or is being faked.

Those are pretty valid assumptions based on the evidence you have, but I want you to consider that your assumptions might be wrong. I’m not saying the following things are 100% true, but just consider them as options:

  1. Maybe she neither wants your money, or is attracted to you. Maybe she just enjoys talking to you and wants the company of a friend while she works
  2. Maybe her body language is genuine, but it’s the body-language she gives off when she sees a platonic friend

I might be wrong but it sounds like she’s seeking company while she works, not necessarily a romantic partner. Even if you’re right about her making great money at work, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s inviting you for financial gain or for attraction. It’s entirely possible that she’s inviting you because she enjoys talking to you while she’s at work. She gets to talk about her accomplishments with you and people tend to enjoy doing that, and you might just be a very good listener. It would explain why she’s only ever tried to hang out with you while she’s at work, or you’re at work, and flaked on ever meeting outside of that because she knows that might imply attraction. She probably sees you as a friend only, a “work friend” in a sense. She visits you at work, you visit her at work, and maybe you hang out after work, but don’t really hang out beyond that.

The funny thing is, I’m so confident about this situation because I was in almost the exact situation before. I met a bartender at a pretty popular bar after doing a trivia league there. After many a late-nights of talking, which I assumed was flirting, I asked for her number. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get her to hangout outside of her job but it never worked. What did happen was getting invited to visit her at work, getting lots of free drinks, lots of conversations and flirting and…not much else. She wasn’t inviting me to her bar to flirt, nor was she inviting me because she wanted my money because she always did buy-backs. She probably just wanted good company during some of her work days.

So trust me on this, it’s likely she just thinks you’re good company and wants to hang during work. I could be wrong, so if you’d like to prove me wrong, ask her on an actual romantic date. Not a hangout, an actual date. If she agrees and follows through, congrats, I was wrong for once. I’m pretty confident I’m not wrong though, just saying.

Good Luck Out There.


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