She says she see’s herself falling for me one day. Is that a good thing?


lebronzeJameson asks:
So I’ve been seeing this girl I met off tinder for almost 2 months now and we made it “official” about a week ago. Due to our schedules we only have gotten to see each other about once a week but we usually chill for a while when we do meetup and things have gone pretty well so far. Over the course of this time we’ve been in contact almost nonstop (txt, call, and Skype) and we’ve gotten pretty physical the last 4-5 or so dates but haven’t actually had sex yet (she’s a virgin and has indicated that she probably wants to take things slow). Even though the signs all seem pretty positive… says she likes me, the spark/chemistry is there, talks about us in the future, even has said she sees us together in the future, she said the other day that she sees herself falling for me “one day”, implying that she hasn’t already. Is there still a possibility that she’ll fall for me if she hasn’t already?

Demetrius says:

Monday dating advice is always the best because I tend to pick the easy questions. Today, is no exception. The answer is yes, there is a possibility that she’ll fall for you. How do I know? Because she said pretty clearly that she might fall for you. It’s really that simple. Sometimes you just need to take people at their word and move on. Don’t sweat the details so much.

Seeing as how this was a simple question, with a simple answer, let’s take some time to talk about “falling” for someone. You have to bear in mind that love and falling in love are very nebulous terms. What is love really? What is romantic love? What does it mean to fall for someone? Words and terms like these have connotations that vary from person to person, so when someone says “I might be falling for you” it could mean a completely thing to them than it does to you. Maybe she doesn’t even believe in love in the way that you do. Or maybe when she says that she might fall for you that means that for her the next step is marriage.

Don’t get too caught up in the words or terms someone uses to describe love, attraction, attachment, and infatuation so much as what they mean when they use those words. I think that when it comes to terms and concepts like love, falling in love, being in love, etc. you should be less hung up on the implication of what they might mean and be more concerned with whether or not the person believes in love the way you do. I once dated a girl who didn’t believe in love at all. Things changed for her but at the time she just did not believe that love was anything more than a chemical response to outside stimuli and a. adaptation to stop people from abandoning their children. I believed in the kind of love that signifies strong attraction and personal affection but I didn’t realize at the time that this was something you need to be on the same page about. Some people believe that love comes from a deity, or that love is about duty, and others believe certain types of love are an obstacle to enlightenment. My point is, it doesn’t matter if she’s fallen for you right now, or will later, so much as her idea of falling in love matches up fairly evenly with your idea of falling in love.

It might sound like a weird thing to do, but I would recommend that you have a conversation with her about love. It doesn’t need to be formal or anything, and you can start the conversation off with a question like “Have you ever been in love?” and then make the conversation about the feeling, and not so much the person she was in love with. Beyond that, just date as you were prior to your doubts coming into the picture and don’t get caught up in the past/present/future tense of love. Enjoy what you have, and keep doing what you’re doing, and I’m sure she’ll fall for you in no time.

Good Luck Out There.

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