How do I meet more well rounded women?

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Capnmurrica91 asks:

I’m 24 and currently out of a job. In between job searching I have hobbies to keep me busy such as Model trains, playing the guitar, learning to code, read and just started learning to draw to name a few(trains is on the back burner now because money.). In the past I’ve dated plenty of sweet girls however I just feel like they didn’t have much to share in terms of interests. Before you chastise me, let me explain. I personally consider hobbies anything that someone likes to do in their spare/free time. This can be from wrestling squirrels in mud to creating a distorted version of the Mona Lisa. When I was working, it seems like the string of dates I had gone on, the girls I went out with didn’t have much to share other than they like to just hang out with friends. I would press and bring up different topics just to try to get them to share what they like to do. Hanging out with friends is all well and good but what do you and your friends do? Most of the time the answer was just drink. Now I’m only 24 and the girls I went out with were either my age or a year or two younger. In fact sometimes when they ask me about my hobbies, they wouldn’t even pretend to be interested. I find it hard to believe that they didn’t have any other hobbies. No one just sits around with a derpy look on their face until they can go out with friends. So while I’m out of work I want to work on being more personable and open to meeting new and interesting people. So how can I go about meeting women who are more well-rounded and have more that they like to do other than just “hang out with friends”? Also I’m sure some people have a similar problem with guys who “just play video games”. I also apologize if anything comes off the wrong way. 

Demetrius says:

Don’t worry, I will take everything you said at face value and so there’s no need to fear my scorn or derision in this situation. You seem like a forthright guy, so I’m not surprised that you were worried about coming off as rude. What you’re asking is a good question, because you’re not asking how to meet people who have similar interests, just people with ANY interests. A valid question, which I’ll give a valid response to.

The thing to remember about dating is that the people you meet and date are people you’ve put yourself in a position to meet. I’ll give you the same advice I give to the woman who complains about always dating men who are “bad boys“: You need to figure out what type of person you attract and the type of person you choose to date. Just give it some thought, but I need you to be honest here. You said that you were constantly meeting women who seemed to have no real interests outside of drinking with their friends, so you have to ask why that is. How were you meeting these women? What’s your type? What’s common about all of these women? There’s no way for me to know for sure, but I’m guessing that there is at least one or two things they have in common. Even if what they have in common is a pretty face and not much else going on.

Whatever that common thread is, avoid it like the plague.If you’re sensing a pattern, change your pattern if you want to change. I can’t give you a secret formula to suddenly start meeting people who are well-rounded, but avoiding people who share a common trait will put you in a position where your odds are a bit better for meeting someone with substance. With all that said,  if you keep meeting women who bring nothing to the table it’s less a fault of theirs and more likely a fault of your own. Maybe you’re subconsciously seeking out women you’re incompatible with, or maybe the whole “they don’t have interests” thing is all in your head.

Hear me out because I promised I wasn’t going to be derisive and I’m sticking to that. What I’m saying is, maybe the whole “they aren’t well-rounded” thing is a bit…premature. Some people, myself included, tend to open up about their hobbies and pastimes the longer they know someone. On a first date, I doubt I’d even mention my blog or podcast, on a second date I doubt I’d bring up my love of comics unless prompted, and so on. It’s entirely possible that every woman who gave you a boiler plate “I like to hang with friends” was incredibly well-rounded but she just needed time to warm up a bit. I could be wrong, because trust me, I know a thing or two about people who bring nothing to the table. Or not. Give it some thought at least.

Just try to focus on figuring out who you’re attracting, who you’re dating, and what those people have in common. Maybe it’s something simple, maybe it’s a major part character trait. Either way, you’re in a great position to not only start over in your professional life, but also your love life. I wish you luck in both of course. You can’t control who you attract, but you can control who you choose to date. Evaluate your dating choices, learn from them, and you’ll eventually meet a well-rounded woman.

Good Luck Out There.

3 thoughts on “How do I meet more well rounded women?

    • That’s a whole other post! I will say that it’s probably a lot harder for women to meet well rounded men and it’s something I’ve been considering. Women in western culture have to be just as good, if not better than men to get ahead. Society expects women to have all the skills of a 1950’s housewife, but also earn close to if not as much as men so that they can split the bill. They have to live up to some pretty intense beauty standards, all while being expected to “bro out” and have a beer, play darts, watch sports, etc. Society expects men to….have a job? Not send pictures of their genitals? How many men know how to cook 5 different meals? Or iron a shirt? Or do their own laundry? It’s something that blows my mind because there is such an imbalance in what a woman needs to do to be a “catch” and the bar for men is SO LOW. Ah well, another post for another day.

      Liked by 1 person

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