Is money the missing thing that would make me Attractive?


iamanis asks:

To keep it brief, I’m in graduate school, I don’t make bank. In fact, I have about $120 in my account right now, I live in a lousy room, and take the bus to my classes and work. However, I am in great shape physically, I dress well, I do have a job (part-time), and future prospects. Yet I can’t seem to see a girl for more than 3 or 4 dates before she says something like “I can’t get close to you,” or “I can’t have a relationship with you, best of luck.” Starting to feel used? I kind of feel like all my dating problems would go away if I had a lot of money, but that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. But then I remember that lousy guys with no job who are just in bands or are drug addicts have relationships. Hell, other people in my cohort are married. I don’t know how to date during my current financial situation, regardless of the fact that I have good future prospects, am in good shape, and have a lot of interests. Do I have to keep putting off connecting with someone simply because my wallet won’t allow it?

Demetrius says:

Because attraction is so subjective, I’m hesitant to say “This is definitely the reason”. Your income and wealth are definitely factors that impact your attractiveness, but it’s never as simple as acquiring more wealth leading to lasting connections. It’s definitely easier to meet people when you can afford to go out every night of the week, but it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll make it past 3 or 4 dates. You have to understand that dating, even if it’s fairly cheap, still requires some amount of money. You can master the art of the cheap date and that’ll take you pretty far, but eventually, dating is going to start costing you money. People aren’t necessarily shallow for wanting to date people who can actually afford to go on dates or anything though. No matter how attractive you are, or your level of potential, if you can’t afford to take someone out it’ll make dating a lot harder.

The thing is, I don’t think your finances are the reason why you aren’t connecting with people. You can clearly get dates and you’re attractive, so there has to be something else there. I noticed that in your examples of breakups that you’ve experienced you allude to your lack of availability. When someone says something like “I can’t get close to you” I’m pretty sure that means that they weren’t able to connect with you, not that you don’t have enough money to date them. The money, or lack of money, doesn’t seem to be a problem as much as your emotional availability. It could even be plain old availability in terms of how often you can see them. If you’re in grad school and working part-time, how much spare time do you really have to date? It’s entirely possible that your lack of availability, whether emotionally or not, is the real problem here.

I would encourage you to figure out why people keep harping on your availability and determine whether or not it can be changed. If the issue is actually related to your emotional availability, you might want to figure out your issues and work to the resolve them. If it’s a matter of time availability, you should try to date people who are okay with your schedule and minimal amount of free time. If you’re not in a position to date people seriously, whether because of your lack of emotional maturity and intelligence or if you simply don’t have the time, don’t try to date seriously. If you’re hellbent on dating seriously, you have to know that you’re fighting an uphill battles. Yes, it’s harder to date when your funds are low, but it’s even harder to date when you’re unavailable.

Personally speaking, I would never try to date while I’m either unavailable, or low on funds. I like to date people who are my equals, and people who can afford to go on dates and are emotionally available are attractive to me, so I want to be able to match them. I’m not saying that you can’t date if you’re low on funds, availability, confidence, etc., you just need to know what your barriers are. I think money is the least of your worries, especially when you factor in the fact that you’re broke now, but you have potential. Women are very often willing to overlook your lack of money if you’ve got earning potential.

You don’t have to put off connecting with people, just be smart about how you connect and recognize your barriers. You can be upfront about your limited funds, and why they are limited, and I promise it wont turn off as many people as you think.

Good Luck Out There.

3 thoughts on “Is money the missing thing that would make me Attractive?

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