One Night Stand. Now What?


ellasmith987 asks:

I had a one night stand with a man on a cruise I just returned from. I met him night two and we danced for a bit, then hung out until like 5 am when he dropped me off at my room with a kiss goodnight, night three not much hanging out, night four we spent the entire night together and then slept together.

I found him on Facebook and he accepted my friend request but now, nothing…. should I say something to him? He doesn’t have messenger so it would have to be on his wall and I feel like maybe that’s creepy. Also, he’s over ten years older than me…20/F, almost 31/M. Not like I think a relationship is going to happen or anything, but he was a lot of fun…

Demetrius says:

Congrats on a successful one-night stand! It sounds like you had a lot of fun on your cruise, and with your time together. Now, some bad news. There isn’t much you can do about turning this one-night stand into something more. I know, sad trombone, but let’s just be honest here. It’s pretty clear that this was a one-night stand only sort of thing, and here’s why.

For starters, you didn’t exchange phone numbers. I’ve been in a few situations where numbers aren’t exchanged, but I don’t think I’ve ever not gotten a person’s number I slept with, if I really wanted it. If a guy wants to see you again, you’ll know, and that holds especially true for guys the older they get. At 31 he definitely knows what he’s doing when you wake up in the morning and don’t have his number. If he wanted you to have his number you’d have it. Conversely, even if he’s some weird guy who doesn’t give his number out, he would have gotten your number or at minimum, gotten your email.

Now, I’m not sure if Facebook messaging is opt in or not, but I also don’t have the Facebook Messenger app (it’s garbage and superfluous) but even still, you can send me a message on Facebook. You can check Facebook messages without the app, you just need to check them on a computer, not a mobile device. That said, if he really wanted to see you again, he’d put in the effort. No person who has had sex with someone and wants to see them again has ever done so much to not be reachable.

Yes, I’m sure your time spent with him was fun, but I think it was just that…fun. You met him during a cruise and he didn’t get your number the first time you hung out, the second time you hung out, or the third time when you slept together. It’s pretty clear that even if he could be reached on Facebook, he probably wouldn’t want to pursue anything with you.

It sucks, but it’s the truth. Don’t waste your time posting on his wall, because obviously it would be a waste of time but would also be a very desperate move. You never had a shot with him, and no amount of clever ways to ask him for your number is going to change that. If he wanted to see you and he knows that your Facebook friends, he’d download the Messenger app to send you a message. The fact that you haven’t heard from him is all you need to know about your chances of seeing him again.

Just chalk it up to being a fun experience, and a successful one-night stand, and focus on meeting someone you can have that sort of fun with who wants to see you after sex.

Good Luck Out There.

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