Unintentionally got into two relationships. What should I do?

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krydanta asks:

So me and my guy friend hung out on Friday of last week. We drank and we ended up agreeing to be boyfriend and girlfriend. I was kind of not being serious about it when I agreed because I was drunk at the time. He seems like he really likes me though so I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

So on Monday, I hang out with my ex and we ended up getting back together and now I’m stuck in two relationships. I want to break up with my guy friend so I can be with my ex but don’t know how to do it. I never intended for any of this to happen. Help!

Demetrius says:

I know this is a serious situation, but it’s similarity to a zany sitcom plot is pretty awesome. I really hope this question is legit because it’s SOOOO interesting.

Now you’re stuck with two guys who think they’re in a relationship with you, and you’re unsure about what to do. You mention that you want to keep your ex and drop the other guy, so at least one part of the problem is resolved. The only major issue is, how do you tell your friend it was a mistake while you try to avoid hurting him and ruining the friendship. Before I begin, I just want to double-check something. Are you sure you want to get back with your ex, the person, or get back with your idea of your past relationship?

You’ve made your decision, and I’m not telling you its the wrong decision, I just hope you’re doing it for the right reasons. Here’s the thing I want you to think about: Why did you rush into a relationship with your friend? You can blame the influence of alcohol or brush it off as being  “not serious” if you want, but maybe it’s because you want to be in A RELATIONSHIP, any relationship, and took the first opportunity you could get. Then, when a better opportunity presented itself with your ex, you seized it. While it seems like you wanted to be in just about any relationship, going back to your ex probably felt familiar and safe, or at least safer than being committed to your new friend. Just give the motivation behind why you’re so quick to jump into a relationship with not one, but two men some serious thought. You can still come to the conclusion that getting with your ex is a good idea, but you should probably explore why you rushed into 2 relationships within 1 week. I could be wrong it could all just be bad timing and bad decision making on your part, but just give your motivations some thought is all I ask.

Now that I’ve said my peace, so let’s talk about dropping boyfriend #1 (ugh) and keeping boyfriend #2 (ugggghhh). I’m a big fan of just pulling the band-aid and hoping for the best when it comes to lose-lose situations like the one you’re in. Tell your friend that you were drunk and not being serious about being in a relationship with him, and try to do so in the nicest way possible.  You should let him know that you reconnected with your ex as well, but make it clear that although you have reconnected, it doesn’t change how you feel about being in a relationship with him. It may hurt him, and you may lose him as a friend, but this is the best way to tell him. You can try to sugar coat it as much as possible, just be clear about how you really feel about him. That’s the very least you can do. Seriously though, I cannot stress this enough: you might lose this friend and you have to consider that as being a possibility you cannot change. Generally speaking, telling someone you want to be their girlfriend as a joke, or when you’re drunk, and then saying “Nah, actually I wasn’t being serious and I was just drunk” is a shitty thing to do. Just be honest and do it as soon as possible.

The whole situation is weird, so your goal is to normalize the situation by facing the consequences of your actions head on and with honesty. Own up to your mistake, let your friend down gently AND honestly, and hope that you can salvage your friendship after that.

Good Luck Out There.

3 thoughts on “Unintentionally got into two relationships. What should I do?

  1. OMG wow Def have to speak up and saying you were drunk will take the edge off. She should think why go back to an ex. Drunk people speak truth there’s a reason they agreed to a relationship and maybe it needs exploring

    Liked by 1 person

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