How fast is too fast?

BuckShit asks:

So, I’m on an online dating site and today this girl messaged me. We chatted online for about a 1/2 hour during lunch then for a few hours in the evening. I’m 21 and she’s 21. She then gave me her number and we texted for maybe fifteen minutes before she had to go to work. She works third shift and I work during the day, but I told her to text me on her break on the off-chance that I was awake. She then texts me at around 2:30 saying that she “hopes my night is going good cutie”.

My question is, is she coming on too strong, too fast? Isn’t calling someone a “cutie” more for when a relationship is taking place? Keep in mind that we have never met and have only been talking for a day. That being said, I don’t mind being called a cutie, just wondering if she is getting too emotionally attached.

Demetrius says:

I try to tell people, time and again, that there are very few if any universal rules in dating. Too fast for you could be not fast enough for the next person. Dating isn’t about pleasing everybody, it’s about pleasing you (and hopefully your partner or partners). So the question shouldn’t be “Is this too fast?” the question should be “Is this too fast FOR ME?”.

I’m of the mind that the speed at which things occur in dating and whether or not it’s “too fast” depends entirely on the individual. For some people, a kiss on the first date is too fast, for others, sex on the third date is too slow. Personally, if someone called me cutie before a first date I wouldn’t really give it a second thought. I’m also very progressive when it comes to dating, so my speed might not be a speed that you’re comfortable with. I think it was an innocent gesture on her part, and I think if you replied in kind she wouldn’t have taken it to mean anything other than “this guy finds me attractive and is wishing me goodnight”. Sure, there are some words that would give me some pause if they were used before a first date, but those things are a bit more affectionate and personal. Terms like “babe” or “honey” or “sweetie” I’d maybe be a little put off by, but “cutie” seems completely harmless. That’s basically like calling someone “handsome” or saying “hey good-looking“. Personally I don’t think it’s too fast, but that really doesn’t matter. What matters is whether or not it really bothers you. I’m hoping that you don’t find it too fast, but it’s okay if you do.

I don’t think her calling you a cute is a sign that she’s growing too emotionally attached to you because quite honestly, that isn’t the move of someone who is growing emotionally attached. It was a polite text wishing you well and also telling you she finds you to be cute. It’s literally nothing more than that. If it bothers you, let her know, but I wouldn’t be too concerned because it seems completely innocent. Don’t make it a big thing, just let her know that you’d prefer if she didn’t call you cutie. It’s that simple. No need to go into the motivations or anything, because then it’ll sound like an accusation.

Some unsolicited advice for you. Take everything that someone says and does when you first meet them at face value.It will be a waste of time and energy to try to figure out the motivations behind certain actions, so base your response only on the facts at hand. If you don’t mind being called a cutie, don’t read more into it than exactly what it was. Try to avoid predicting the future (i.e. her emotional attachment) and instead embrace the now. All you know for sure is that she finds you attractive. Everything else would just be supposition, at might end up sabotaging the beginnings of something great.

Good Luck Out There.

3 thoughts on “How fast is too fast?

  1. Pingback: I like her, am I wasting my time? | Tao of Indifference

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