She smokes pot and I don’t. How can I cope?

zach_frost asks:

Without going into exorbitant amounts of backstory, I’ve been seeing a girl I’ve known from my past for about 7 months now and it’s been absolute bliss. We rarely have arguments, and even when we do they’re solved with peaceful discussion. The only real disagreements we have seem to involve her habit of smoking pot for recreational/medical reasons. She developed cervical cancer at a young age and went through a slew of chemotherapy and treatment with no luck. Someone recommended she try marijuana here and there, much to her surprise she found the tumor shrinking and eventually disappearing.

The experiences that I’ve had with weed has left me jaded from enjoying it, ranging from people lying about it to getting me stoned and leaving me alone when I’ve had allergic reactions to it. I don’t think I’d have much problem being understanding and supportive of her habit if I didn’t have such a negative history with it, but for the sake of making this relationship work and to feel more at peace with it, how should I cope with her smoking while still being respectful about her reasons?

Demetrius says:

I wont get into a debate over smoking pot and whether or not it’s right or wrong so let’s just move past that. Your stated problem seems to be related to your personal feelings toward someone’s drug usage. So, how can you overcome these feelings?

We have to clear the air (no pun intended) as to why you have feelings about her smoking. You were drugged without your knowledge and you’ve had an allergic reaction to marijuana and you felt abandoned when that’s happened to you. Marijuana clearly represents something bad to you, but your bad experiences seem to be around your own usage, not from any sense of morality, legality, or anything like that. So what exactly is the problem here? Things just don’t seem to be adding up. I really dislike drinking tequila and I’ve had one too many nights where drinking it turned out poorly for me. The thing is, if I’m dating someone who wants to drink tequila, I’m perfectly okay with that because while drinking tequila often proves to be a negative experience for me, some people have perfectly okay experiences with it. Unless you’re taking a principled stand against marijuana, or her consumption really bothers you for whatever reason, why are you “coping” with it? If your problem is around the legality or morality of marijuana consumption, that’s a different story. But it’s not (at least, you say it’s not) so I’m not seeing what the problem is. If the problem is that you don’t like the way she acts when she’s been smoking weed, sure, that’s something to address. If your problem simply is “I had bad experiences with weed so if my partner smokes it, that bothers me” that seems like the sort of thing you need to give some serious thought to. If she smokes weed and your problem isn’t one related to her behavior, the legality of her smoking, the danger she might put herself in to procure marijuana, or that you think it’s morally repugnant to consume narcotics, well, I’ve got nothing for you honestly.

It sounds like what you need to “cope” with isn’t your partner’s marijuana usage so much as why it bothers you. You’re either being dishonest with me or dishonest with yourself about why her marijuana use bothers you. Whatever the actual reason is, you need to figure that out and determine if you can date someone who smokes weed. The first thing you need to do isn’t learn to cope, what you need to figure out is if you actually want to date someone who smokes weed at all. I could be completely wrong and maybe your issue really is that you had bad experiences and you’re jaded. If the answer is yes, the best way to cope is to remember the immortal words of America’s premier poet, Shawn Carter: What you eat don’t make me shit. If you’re concern is only because you had bad experiences with smoking, you need to get over that. If your concern is deeper then that, then you need to really figure out if you can date someone who smokes weed. It’s as simple as that.

Good Luck Out There.

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