We matched on Tinder last night, she sent me a message, I responded, and then when I checked the app a couple of hours later, she wasn’t on my list of matches any more. I was a little disappointed and confused, but whatever. Today I woke up and had a couple of messages from her on OkCupid saying that she had accidentally unmatched me, but luckily I happened to pop up on this site. In the second message she said that she didn’t like the OkCupid app and gave me her number to text her. We’ve been texting throughout the day today and she seems really eager to hang out so I did something that I normally don’t do and invited her over to my place without having met her in public previously.
According to Tinder, we have two mutual friends and I wanted to see more pictures of her to get a better idea of what she really looked like so I did some creeping and found her on Facebook. There were only a few pictures so I tried googling her full name along with the city we live in and that’s when I saw a search result for a wedding registry and another social media account where she describes herself as a “fiance”. I looked up the name of the guy on Facebook and his profile shows publicly that he’s engaged to her.
What do I do? Should I admit that I did some creeping and ask her about it before she even comes over? Should I just hang out with her and not let anything progress physically? Should I go as far as contacting this guy and letting him know what’s going on? Maybe they have agreed to an open relationship, but her OkCupid profile has her status set to single so at the very least she is being dishonest.
I never want to jump to conclusions without hearing both sides, but I think we can jump to at least one of the three following conclusions about this woman. You’re either dealing with someone who is flat-out lying, being dishonest, or recently got out of an engagement. Either way, I advise proceeding with a lot of caution, or just dropping her altogether. It’s possible (but not probable) that she could have recently separated from her partner,but this is very, very low on the scale of “Things that are completely possible and probable”. Point being, be wary as hell, if you haven’t already decided to move on.
Which, I’m gonna be honest here, is what I would advise that you do right now. The warning signs are there and they are huge flashing neon warning signs. No matter what the truth of the matter is, this sounds like someone you do not want to insert into your life right now. She’s either cheating on her fiance, in an open relationship and being dishonest about it OR she’s recently ended an engagement. None of those people are the type of person you want to date right now. I’m not saying you can’t date someone who was recently engaged, but if it’s recent enough where her social media is still showing her as being a fiance, it’s too damn soon for you to be dating her.
Of course, you’re matching with girls on Tinder and inviting them to your place without meeting so it’s entirely possible that you’re perfectly okay being some random woman’s rebound or casual hookup. I’m all about withholding judgment and never doing anyone harm, so if you want to go through with this, which I advise that you don’t do, you should at least try to figure out if she’s actually cheating.
First, do some snooping. You googled her and found a whole bunch of incriminating evidence, but maybe you need more evidence because the power of boners is strong. If she has a wedding registry, it’s possible that she has a wedding website. Find that thing and figure out the actual wedding date. It’s entirely possible that the wedding has been cancelled and in her pain she hasn’t gotten around to updating her status as single/affianced on her various social media sites. Next, hit up the mutual friends that you share with her. Tell them your story, and do so in a way that says “Hey we matched on Tinder, then her facebook page popped up in my suggested friends and I saw she was engaged. Is she actually engaged?“. Be sure to ask both mutual friends too. If all your evidence is pointing to her being single/in an open relationship/ or recently engaged but split up, then go through with meeting. I wouldn’t meet her, but that’s none of my business.
Now, if your research is pulling up dead ends or you still have some doubts, you should just walk away. It’s not worth the pain you might cause or the drama that this situation could bring you. If it comes to the point where you feel like your last recourse is to ask her potential fiance, then you should already know not to go through with meeting her. Whether you want to tell the fiance is entirely up to you. I just did a podcast about Honesty and Dating and I have to tell you, I don’t know where I stand on the “should I tell their partner they are cheating if I’m a stranger” subject. Look, I understand that sometimes people will try to use reason to convince themselves that sleeping with someone is a good idea when it isn’t . I get it, but I’m not going to condone it. No matter what the reason is for her showing up on the internet as someone’s fiance, this woman is either dishonest, cheating, or you’re a rebound. I wouldn’t encourage anyone of any sex, gender, or orientation, to get involved with someone this shady, for something as common and easy to get as sex.
Trust me on this buddy. The little guy might enjoy the ride in the short-term, but the potential repercussions are just not worth it at all.
Good Luck Out There.