There’s a girl that I’ve been talking to and hanging out with for the past few weeks. We hung out almost every day, and spoke on the phone or texted for the majority of every day. We’ve kissed, made out, etc. but nothing more than that. Yesterday, whilst hanging out with her, she seemed like something was wrong with her, and when I asked, she finally told me after about 5 minutes of asking that she didn t want to be anything serious right now. Confused by what she had just told me, I asked her why. She told me she liked me a lot, but she didn’t want to be anything more than friends for right now. I told her we were just friends to begin with, and she said “Friends don’t kiss do they?” and I didn’t reply. After a few minutes of silence she said something along the lines of “We can still kiss and stuff, and you’re still extremely attractive to me and I like you a lot, but I m not ready for a relationship.” She also said that we’d still hang out with each other.
Should I continue to hang out with her and stuff? I really like her as well, and I’d like to have a relationship with her, but I don t want to set myself up for disappointment. Could someone please give me further guidance? Thanks!
I appreciate your use of “whilst” more than anything else. That just added a great whimsicality to your question. In all seriousness, I appreciated how earnest you were and I always want to help the person get the girl, but in your case, I think you might have to cut your losses and move on. I’m not saying that people can’t just date casually, but I know that you definitely shouldn’t try to date this girl casually. Let me tell you why.
For starters, you very clearly state that “I’d like to have a relationship with her”. She also very clearly has told you she is not ready for a relationship. That alone should be a deterrent. Some people would say “wait it out” but I’m not one of those people. You shouldn’t wait it out, you should be upfront and honest and tell her that you both want different things and it’s probably best to move on.
More importantly, you don’t want to be disappointed. Disappointment is bound to happen in dating, but the worst kind of disappointment is the kind you make happen to yourself. Continuing to see her and make out with her is only going to delay your eventual disappointment.
So no, don’t continue to hang out with her in that way. If you think you can be friends without all the fooling around stuff, go for it. Remember that means literally only being friends. No kisses, no flirting, no hinting at wanting more, no sexting, and so on. If that sounds like it might be too hard for you, it’s probably best to cut off the budding friendship.
Good Luck Out There.