I can’t read her, how can I move forward?

pandaman3000 asks:

We met last week at a club on a Friday. We were very drunk, did the whole dirty dancing, grinding, making out stuff. I got her number, and the next day started texting her. On Sunday, I asked her out to go with me to dinner the following day. The date went well, she’s a nice girl, but a little ditzy which is fine, although I got the vibe she was somewhat interested.

After the dinner, she texts me thank you for dinner, and hope that I got home safely. The thing is I’m having a very hard time reading her. We do text each other throughout the day, but it’s very sparse, maybe 2-4 hours in between each text. For 4th of July weekend, we both went on a trip to the same location (SoCal), and this time texts were probably 6 hours apart from each other. Her responses do seem engaged, and she does ask how I am and what I am doing, but I can’t tell if there’s an actual interest. I have tickets to a baseball game this Tuesday, and I think it’d be fun if she went with me. What’s the best course of action for getting her to say yes? when I’m honestly not so sure if she’s into me. 

Demetrius says:

Let’s lay out your situation. You met a girl, you kind of dig her, and you want her to go on another date with you after a successful first date. She doesn’t seem to respond to your texts all that quickly, but when she does respond she seems to be engaged. The solution to your problem seems pretty tough. If only there was a way that you could reach out to her and get a response immediately, or know if she was actually busy or not. Man, if only there was some way to get a definitive answer without texting back and forth trying to hammer out the details. Oh right, you could just call her! I know, it might sound crazy but have you considered using your phone for what its main purpose? If you’re worried about the lack of timely responses, call her!

In all seriousness, and with way less sarcasm, I just want to say that your reasons for being a bit wary and wondering about her interest are reasonable, but not something to put too much thought into this early on. People are taught, either through experience or through the advice of their peers, that responding too quickly to a text is the surest way to make someone lose interest. It’s entirely possible that she’s purposefully spacing out her responses because she thinks you’ll lose interest if she’s very responsive. I wouldn’t put too much concern into the time taken between responses because when she does respond she seems to be engaged, which is what really matters.

Don’t try to read too much into her behavior, or lack of a prompt response too much. You’ve only just met and have really only been on one date. You’ve known each other for a little over a week and at this point, you don’t know each other all that well. In situations like this where you’re unsure about how interested someone is but it’s still early on, I would advise you to just move forward as if the other person is interested. You’ve probably heard the joke about what happens when you assume, but I actually encourage people to date with the assumption that the person who seems interested is interested, until you can tell they are definitely not interested. If they agree to go on dates with you but aren’t the most responsive texter, they might just be playing hard to get. Which is fine, as long as it’s “hard to get” and not “you’ll never get on another date with them“.

When it comes to the actual date on Tuesday, give her a call and ask her out. You can follow-up the call with a text if she misses your call. If you do send a follow-up text, state why you called, and ask her out in the text as well. Be straightforward i.e. “Hey, I just called to see if you’d be interested in going to this baseball game with me on Tuesday.” and give her all the details (date, time, location, etc.) for the plan in one text so there isn’t an extended back and forth. No need to send a text with any apprehension or make it sound like anything other than a date.  In the future, try not to focus on how long it takes someone to respond (even if you can see that they read your message awhile ago) and try to focus on the content of their responses.

Would you rather get your messages replied to in 1 minute with a “K” or wait a few hours for some substance?

Good Luck Out There.

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