I want to repair my relationship with her. What should I do?

MJKno1 asks:

I fell in love with my childhood best friend for a long time and 6 months ago i finally got the courage to tell her about my feelings. She said she wants us to be friend first because she’s not sure about her feelings yet, I’m okay with that and we carry on our life as usual. But after that our relationship become closer than ever before and we text almost every day talking about random stuff.

Until something that I can’t explain here happened in my life that causes I can’t give her more attention that I used to give to her before. We rarely talked and meet now because of that and she is really busy these days too which make things worst for us. What should i do to repair my relationship with her ? I’m too afraid to start again now because she thinks I’m not serious to chasing her and probably she hate me now too

Demetrius says:

Well, despite the fact that you’re being as vague as possible, I’ll try to give you some advice. Not knowing what happened, if it’s still happening, and a whole bunch of other details really isn’t helping me here. I could give you advice telling you to do x,y, and z, but if the issue is still there and will continue to be a problem, it will be hard to reconnect. You can take my advice and it will probably work BUT if you’re still dealing with this unexplained event, any work you do to repair your relationship will just have to be redone in the future if the underlying problem isn’t resolved and could potentially resurface.

Reconnecting and repairing a relationship comes down to your effort, your sincerity, and if the person wants your relationship repaired. I’m in the dark about what exactly happened of course, but that doesn’t exactly change what I would suggest you do. What you need to do, if you haven’t already, is this:

  1. Apologize
  2. Propose a new “normal” for your relationship
  3. Stick to it

The apology is simple, so I wont spell it out for you. You already sound contrite in your message so there’s no need to hammer you on it, just know what you’re apologizing for and do it. If she accepts your apology, that’s the point where you set up a new “normal” for your relationship. This new normal has to be based on what you’re willing able to do as well as what she’s willing and able to do. You mentioned that lately she’s been busier, so you’ll have to factor that in. Establishing the new normal is going to require you saying, in your own words, how serious you are, where you want things to go, and what you’re willing to do. You mentioned that you’re too afraid to start again but it’s really the only way to repair your relationship.You have to start again, but the focus should be on a new start, not a resumption of your old relationship.

If you do this and she agrees to give it another shot, you have to stick to what you said you would and could do. That’s why Step#2 is so important. It’s not about telling her what she wants to hear, it’s about being realistic about what you’re prepared to do. to work at your relationship. If what you’re prepared to do is good enough for her to want to take you back, THAT’S AWESOME! Just remember to stick to what you said you’d do. It’s entirely possible that you’ve ruined your chances for rekindling your romance, so don’t be surprised if she doesn’t want to start over.

Good Luck Out There.

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