I’m really confused about what happened with her. Any advice?

inudiablo asks: 

So I’ve known this girl for a long time and until recently I have never had any intention of dating her, jump to admit two-week a ago or so she calls me to hang out and started taking about his she doesn’t understand why we never dated. So after that we start hanging out quite a lot and started getting flirty. Jump again to about a few days ago and we are hanging out and she is essentially all over me. After a little but I try to kiss her and she just responds “I really can’t” . After that she just goes completely cold and ends up calling some dude who likes her to come pick her up. After that she just stopped reply with convo but instead with 1 word answers. That kinda irritated me so I stopped initiating convo and kinda said duck it the entire situation. Jump to today and she has not make a single attempt to text or anything. It’s been about 4 days. I kinda assume the whole things done but I really don’t understand what happened. Any advice?

Demetrius says:

When it comes to answering the sort of questions where the possible reasons are infinite, I like to make the fewest assumptions as possible. All we know for sure is that you have known this girl a while, two weeks ago she implied that you should date, shortly after that you started hanging out more frequently and with more flirting. A few days ago you hangout, she initiates physical contact, you try to make out, and she suddenly ends it by saying “I really can’t“. At this point she has a guy come pick her up, who you stated likes her. After this point she slowly cuts down on contact before completely cutting off contact.

I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions, and I’m hoping I can answer at least one of them. What you really want to know is:

  • Why the sudden change?

Here’s what I would guess, making the least amount of assumptions as possible: She has a boyfriend. 

The only thing we know for certain is that she said “I really can’t”. Now why would that be? What sort of guilt drives a person to abruptly stop making out, then cut off contact, especially if she was the one who initiated. It sounds like the actions of someone who feels guilty because she’s doing something she knows she should not. Unless you’re neglecting the fact that you have a girlfriend, the odds are that she’s seeing someone and felt a huge surge of guilt once you started kissing her. This is the simplest answer and the most likely outcome. Her behavior is the behavior of someone who was trying to cheat with someone she knew would be available and willing, but once it came down to doing the deed, it sounds like the guilt was just too much for her.

Maybe the guy who picked her up wasn’t an official boyfriend, but the fact that “some dude who likes her” came to pick her up after she suddenly stopped kissing you leads me to believe that he’s the guy. Unless you’re leaving out details where you tried to turn things into sex (entirely possible) it seems like she decided to make out with you, had a change of heart, then felt so guilty about it that she decided to cut you off. I could be wrong, but the simplest answer is usually the right answer and buddy, it sounds like she was cheating with you.

Or better yet, maybe it’s not one boyfriend, but she’s dating a few guys, and because you’ve known her so long as a friend, she feels especially guilty about kissing you. To be perfectly honest, it doesn’t matter what the reason was, or why it happened, just that you saved yourself a lot of time dating a girl who is that unstable.

Good Luck Out There.

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