Questionable Tinder Match. Am I getting played?

truethrow17 asks:

So I’ve been on tinder for a few weeks now. Have had plenty of matches, and some great conversations. But I am curious about the behavior of one of my matches. Overall nothing seems too out of place, but I’ll briefly describe the situation.

So I match with this girl, she’s very attractive, has some mutual friends of mine and her bio is good (as in has some useful information). We chatted for a few minutes and then she gave me her phone number without prompting, which seems a little odd. She didn’t send me a link or anything so I don’t think she’s a bot, perhaps just more forward or frustrated with the tinder app like myself.

What really gets me is she asks me for my last name (via text) so she can add me to her contacts. I respectfully decline because I’m just extra cautious about strangers I meet on the internet. She says she understands and we continue our conversation which is btw, amazing. She seems really into me, which is perhaps something I’m not super used to.

Am I getting played here?

Demetrius says:

I appreciate your caution regarding your Tinder match but I think it might be a bit misplaced. You should be wary of giving out personal information in general, and especially when online dating, but I think you took may be a bit too cautious.

I know what you were thinking when you declined giving out your full name. You want to avoid getting scammed, spammed, or otherwise harassed. Smart move! I cannot tell you how many times I experienced scammers or spammers trying to get me to give up personal information and eventually, a credit card. The thing is, I think this isn’t necessarily the case here. I’m not 100% certain, but it sounds like she was trying to google you. It sounds to me like she wanted your full name to google you. To be perfectly honest, I used to google people I met on online dating websites too. Not out of any perverse voyeurism, but because I was always concerned that I’d go on a date with someone with ulterior motives.

The fact that she gave you her phone number early on is just a signal that she’s looking to meet sooner rather than later. Rather than vetting you by spending a lot of time asking questions back and forth, she wants to google you, maybe check out your facebook page if she can find you, and try to glean as much information as she can from there. It’s a great strategy on her end, and I would suggest you do the same (without outright saying it of course).

Of course, your concerns are valid. No one wants to deal with spammers or scammers so here are some tips to avoid them.

First, check someone’s pictures to see if they are stolen from someplace else. The best way to do that is if you use Chrome as your primary browser, simply right-click on their picture and an option that says “Search Google for this image” (pictured below). You can also download the TinEye plugin which also does a reverse image search. I would use both features in conjunction because some results appear on Google Image Search, some on TinEye. Just know that neither method is foolproof.


Both features can be used by right clicking

It might go without saying but I’ll say it anyway: Don’t give out any information that can be used to identify you and or steal your identity. This includes your date of birth, social security number, the answers to security questions, your passwords, or worse, your banking/credit information.

Beyond that, you just have to hope and pray that the person who messages you is the one who shows up on the date. If they stall on a date for longer than a month, they are either fake or not interested. Either way, move on.

Good Luck Out There.

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