I want one-on-one time with my boyfriend. Is that too needy?

AmericanUltra asks: 

He and I have been exclusive for about six months but had been seeing each other for a few months before that. We have mutual friends and we work together so we see each other about 3-4 times a week. We don’t always get to squeeze in a “just us” day in there though. When we’re at work or with our friends, there’s not really many opportunities to connect with each other one on one either. (At work, we have an entirely professional relationship, just getting lunch together occasionally for 15 minutes.) We’ve been pretty serious the past two months or so and when we’re together, we’re crazy about each other. I’d like to suggest spending time with him, just us, at least once a week. Is this too needy? I’ve always kept my relationships at arm’s length but I really really like this guy. I want this to be different. I want to be closer to him.

Demetrius says:

What’s the point of dating someone if you don’t get to spend alone time with them? I think it’s absolutely okay to want to spend one-on-one time with your boyfriend and no, it isn’t needy at all. It’s pretty normal if you ask me. It can be tough to get alone time when you share a large portion of your social life with your partner, but there is a way to do it without coming off as needy. Because you’ve been together for six months, you’re well within your rights to tell your partner you want alone time. I was actually in a very similar situation and I’ll tell you how I handled it, or how it was handled.

Because I have a large friend group, I try to balance how often I hang out with my friends, my girlfriend, and spend time alone. A good rule of thumb that I like to stick by is to take the 7 days and balance it all out. If I’m alone 4 days of the week, that leaves 3 days that I need to split between my friends and my girlfriend. In that case, I’ll dedicate one and a half day to more partner, and then maybe one day with friends. The trick is to make your partner feel like they are at least equal in importance as your friends.  Now that we’ve got that out-of-the-way, let’s talk about getting that alone time that you want.

What you have to do is ask your partner for at least one day a week of alone time. Let him know that you don’t want him to feel like he has to choose between your friend group and you, but you would like some one-on-one time because it means a lot to you. Time alone really helps build your relationship, plus having relationship conversations is better handled alone (i.e. Where you see things going, what you like, what you want, same goes for him). It wont come off as nagging or needy if you just request it. If you want to frame it in a way that sounds less about being away from friends, and more about building your connections, call it a dedicated date night. It doesn’t have to be an actual date, just time dedicated to the two of you. Above all else, avoid making it sound like a chore. You don’t need to necessarily make it the same day every week, or schedule it ahead of time, but try to stick to one day doing your own thing at least one day a week.

In your case, it’s especially important to get alone time together because so much of your life is spent together, but with friends or coworkers. Because you spend so much time with other people around, you probably can’t really have any deep conversations. What if you need to get something off of your chest? Or have a question about where you stand or where you see yourself in the future. Spending time alone together is absolutely necessary to build a healthy relationship, so don’t feel bad about wanting it.

Good Luck Out There.

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