So this is the situation. This guy in my graduate program and I have been casually sort of flirting as we see each other. I feel him looking at me a lot and he playfully teases me a lot when we chat, but I am a huge coward when I like someone and tend to just ignore them rather than make it clear that I am interested. Helpful. Anyway, we run into each other a few times a week at the most and we haven’t texted or chatted online and I’m starting to worry that my in-person apparent lack of interest is scaring him off or discouraging him too much, which would be understandable. I’m also getting sick of wondering if something is happening or not and I’m considering just Facebook messaging him and saying something along the lines of “hey sorry if this is out of the blue but I think we should hang out sometime”. Would that be weird? We haven’t run into each other/spoken in a few days so it would sorta be out of nowhere; I’m just getting a fuck it attitude and ready to see if something is there.
I’m horrible at dating and expressing interest, so any help would be greatly appreciated!
Here at the Tao of Indifference, we not only appreciate a “fuck it” attitude we also encourage it. Having that sort of attitude is the height of Indifference and I applaud your realization that not giving a crap is the best way to approach asking someone out. Some may tell you to practice caution in this scenario, but I think you should go for it and take a risk.
I can tell you, from my experience as a straight male, that if a girl I flirted with didn’t seem all that interested in me, I’d probably cut out the flirting eventually. You’re right to want to be more proactive about showing him that you’re interested. Waiting for him to ask you out, or waiting for the “best” opportunity or the “right” opportunity will only lead toward more confusion regarding your interest in him.
How you ask him out is up to you, and if you’re comfortable doing it via Facebook message, I say go for it. It’s always preferable to ask someone out in person, but if you haven’t seen him in-person in a while, don’t wait to seize your opportunity, simply seize it. I’ve asked someone out via Facebook message after missing a chance to ask them out in person and it turned out okay. You might be hesitant to do it because it’s not typically how people ask other people out, but I say go for it. It’s a very low risk way to ask someone out. Plus, you can figure out if they read your message or not. Would it be weird to do this? Absolutely not! When I was single, any way that a girl asked me out was perfectly fine with me.
Here’s some ways I’ve been asked out: directly asking me out, indirectly asking me out, flat-out kissing me to make the first move, texting me, emailing me, on Facebook, on MySpace, Twitter, Tumblr, on an online dating site, or telling a friend to tell me to ask their friend out.
For most guys, being asked out is such an irregular part of our lives that we don’t really care about the circumstance so much as our interest in who is asking us out. Maybe you think asking this guy out on Facebook would be weird because if he did the same it might change your opinion of him but guys (for the most part) just don’t think that way. Based on what you said about him, it does sound like he’s interested so take the risk, because it sounds like it’s worth it.
Good Luck Out There.