Let’s Talk About Rejection

Guys, we need to talk about rejection. Rejection sucks but youcan’t let rejection or the IDEA of rejection stop you from living your lives to the fullest. Rejection is as much a part of dating as Strikeouts are to Baseball. It’s bound to happen, but you can’t quit because of small failures.

I’ve said it numerous times: You need to embrace rejection. Both rejecting and being rejected, but now I want to dive into both.

First, let’s go over how to reject someone:

  1. Be Honest – You need to be honest about why you’re rejecting someone. It’s easy to fall back on lies, or excuses, or clichés, but you need to bite the bullet and tell someone why you’re rejecting them. You don’t need to be rude, just be real about why you aren’t into them.
  2. Be Direct – Speak in a way that makes the why of the rejection clear. Avoid doing the dance of “You’re a great person and if circumstances were different and maybe etc.” If you’re rejecting someone because you don’t see a future with them, say that, and say it exactly that way.
  3. Don’t Lead Them On – Don’t give them the slightest glimmer that this rejection is temporary. What’s done is done and if you aren’t into them, chances are good that won’t change.
  4. Use the 3 C’sBe Concise, Be Complimentary, and Be Conciliatory.
  5. Don’t Circle Back – Now here’s the tricky part. If you’ve rejected someone, don’t go back to them with regrets, or to check on them, or to tell them how great they are even though you don’t want to date them. Move on and don’t go back. Give them time to reflect on the rejection. Let the wound heal.

Now that you’re a pro at rejecting people, here’s how to take rejection gracefully:

  1. Recognize if you’re Being Rejected – I could write a whole article on how to recognize rejection, oh wait, I already did. Go read it. In a perfect world people would take my advice listed above and reject you in a way that showed class and tact. The fact is, that usually isn’t the case. Sometimes you have to sniff out when you’re being passive aggressively rejected. The tips in that post will help you recognize when you’re being rejected.
  2. Be Objective – When you’re being rejected you need to take a step back and view the reject as an event, not an event happening to YOU. If someone is rejecting a person, they have a reason. You may not agree with the reason but try to look at it from their side – Or just be Indifferent to it and move on like I would.
  3. Don’t take it Personal – A rejection is generally not a personal attack on you. So if someone isn’t in to you, no big deal. It’s not you it’s them.
  4. Accept the Rejection – When you’re rejected, don’t debate it and  don’t try to convince them to change their mind. If they aren’t into you, trying to convince them that you’re perfect on paper does absolutely nothing but make you look desperate.
  5. Don’t Circle Back – …and finally, do not try to circle back. You know that follow up text you want to send saying “If you change your mind…” DON’T DO IT. If they change their mind, remind them of how awesome you are and what they missed on but DO NOT go back. Move on.

Remember, the only thing that you owe people and that people owe you is respect.


Read that line, and then repeat it. Do it one more time for good measure.

Keep in mind that you don’t owe anyone YOUR attraction or time. If you’re not into someone it’s perfectly okay to reject them as long as you reject them in a ways listed above.

Remember, every rejection brings you one step closer to a person who is a better match for you.

Good Luck Out There.

5 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Rejection

  1. This is a great piece!

    I’m so glad that you covered both aspects: rejecting and rejected.

    Some people assume that rejecting someone is natural, but it takes time to learn how to reject someone in a respectful and tactful manner.

    Dealing with rejection can be challenging for many people too (myself included). It truly is something that must be learned and practiced. It’s not an easy process, but it is a necessary one.

    I had a podcast discussion about how to effortlessly overcome rejection. It was truly eye opening for me and provided a new perspective on how to truly overcome rejection. Let me know if you’d be interested in giving it a listen.


  2. Pingback: How To Win 2015 | Tao of Indifference

  3. Pingback: How do I tell him I’m not ready? | Tao of Indifference

  4. Pingback: I want to reject him, but don’t want to hurt his feelings. What should I do? | Tao of Indifference

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