Does my Profile Suck?

No matter how much advice I give you on your dating profile, I’ll never know EXACTLY what’s on your profile (more on that later).

I like think that I’ve given you a lot of advice on the subject of dating profiles. With that said, being advised and taking that advice to heart are two different things.

If you’re wondering why you’re not getting messages or responses it might be because your profile sucks.

But how can you be sure, besides asking someone directly?

Simple: The OkCupid Drinking Game

Credit: Logan Hesse – Author, Brad AmbrosinoDesigner, Illustrator

It’s designed for straight men looking at a straight woman’s profile (so says the author) but don’t worry, my way of playing is gender neutral.

Using the game to figure out if your profile sucks is simple. Instead of checking out other people’s profiles and taking drinks, review your own. Co-opt specific references to suit your needs (her can be him, or they, Berkeley can be Brooklyn, or Boston, etc,)

To play along, I’ll go through my own profile. Ok Here goes:

Slide 1

Slide 1


I pass the username test! You can set aside my first drink for later thank you very much.

Self Summary

The fact that I put “Avid Reader” as a standalone sentence? Not a good sign. A well, a drink for me. I don’t mention being particularly passionate (thank god) but I live in Brooklyn which I’ll just assume is a close equivalent to Berkeley. Second Drink.

Total Score – 2 drinks

On to Slide 2:


What I’m Doing with my Life

Nature? Child please, I am from the city. I only mention the fact that I have a blog (but don’t say what it’s about) and the field my day job is in. No drinks here.

I’m Really Good At

Mentioning that I know the perfect bar to go to is borderline but lets be honest, if I’m at a bar on a date I’ll probably convince myself its a perfect bar. Another drink for me.

Total Score – 3 drinks

On to Slide 3:

Slide 3

The First things people notice about me

No questions! No mention of smile or eyes or laugh! I specfically mention my resemblance to certain celebrities based on random feedback from people. Suck it, OKC drinking game!

Favorite Books, Movies, TV shows, Food

Well I don’t mention a specific food, I say that I love to cook and then specifically mention a dish I make that “tastes like orgasms feel”. That my friends is a line that gets me a lot of messages. No drink for me there. But, a drink for mentioning Game of Thrones. Ah well, guess I’ll have another.

Total Score – 4 drinks

On to Slide 4:

Slide 4Six Things I Can’t Live Without

iphones, condiments and alliteration do not make an appearance on my list. I do mention family and friends which is you know, what most people list. No DRINKS!

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing to Admit

Actually admitted something not everyone knows about me. Boom, no drink this round.

Total Score – 4 drinks

On to the Final Slide.


You Should Message me if

Well would you look at that, I tell people specifically not to message me. No Drink for me

So how’d you do? On a scale of 1 to David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger on the floor?

If you’re thinking “There is no way I can finish all these drinks” well then congrats, your profile sucks. But that’s ok.

I’m here to help

Check out all my posts on Dating Profiles HERE

If you’d like to submit your profile for a private review, send me your name, email address, and profile link HERE

Don’t worry: It’s anonymous, won’t cost you a thing, and you wont get put on a mailing list. There is no catch.

On a side note, after reviewing my profile and figuring out where I was supposed to take a drink, I realized that those same areas have never once sparked a conversation on OkCupid.

Something to think about.

Good Luck out there

Your Thoughts?

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