Who starts a first kiss

I received the following comment/question from a reader and figured I’d share with all of you:

“I think the guy should always initiate the first kiss. Friends (mostly men) think I’m nuts and need to liberate myself. I think guys are subconsciously wired to be the pursuer though and if the woman kisses them first, they’re going to lose interest. What say you?”

First lets start with someone arguments for a guy initiating a first kiss

  1. The consensus is that a guy initiating the first kiss is more traditionally romantic.
  2. Not only that, but the assertiveness required to make the first move is generally considered more attractive to the fairer sex.
  3. The feeling of being pursued is Extremely attractive (on both sides of the coin, and when it’s desired of course).

So, what are the arguments for a girl initiating a first kiss?

  1. Statistically speaking, most men are terrible at reading signals. They might not realize you’re into them
  2. If a woman is attracted to a man she should take charge if she so chooses. Feminism!
  3. At some point you get tired of waiting for men to take the initiative

So, what’s my opinion on who should initiate a first kiss?

I hate to be that guy but,

What’s wrong with meeting half-way?

I’m all for a guy taking the initiative, in fact,  I usually take the initiative when it comes to the first kiss.

However, it’s often very sexy when a girl leans in for a kiss. There is just something about someone conveying attraction AND interest that I find very attractive.

The truth is, we live in a world where more and more men are less assertive and nice. Not necessarily that these men are less masculine, it’s just that we’ve become more aware of the inherent  sexism in our culture.

Shows like Mad Men, the increased presence and awareness of feminism in mainstream culture,  and the fact that more and more men are being raised by single mothers   have made men acutely aware of how easily the line between  being assertive and not respecting boundaries can be crossed.

QrSQrI’m not saying that all men who don’t initiate a kiss are feminists, I’m just saying that it’s something to consider when you’re wondering “Why wont he kiss me?”.

My advice for men is this:

Lean in for the kiss if you’re interested

Go in about 60% of the way where she is comfortable, but has enough space to refuse the kiss without having to physically push you away.

If she’s interested she’ll definitely reciprocate. If she’s not interested, she’ll pull back or turn a cheek. If that happens, don’t press it and just accept that she isn’t that into you. In this case, Rejection is ok.


If you’re an old fashioned woman, there is always the “Kiss me you fool” line. It seriously works everytime.

If you’re not the overtly romantic type, try pull on his lapel/shirt collar pulling him closer to your face. If he doesn’t get the hint he’s either too dumb to date, or not into you.

As a rule of thumb though…if you’re on a first date and are interested in seeing that person again: Initiate the first kiss. Regardless of sex.

It’s worth the risk.

If they shut it down, they don’t want to date you

Good luck out there

Your Thoughts?

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