You all know by now that I am a big fan of online dating but apparently, some people are not.
More and more of my friends are telling me about their hesitance and reluctance to date online and if you were thinking, “I wonder if they’re mostly women?” you’d be right.
Alright, I’ll start with the guys. Based on an informal sampling, here are the most common reasons guys don’t date online:
- They don’t want to be one of those guys who dates online
- They don’t want to spend money
- It’s too much work setting up a profile
Guys, just a heads up. There is nothing wrong with being a guy who dates online. Dating online is not something that you do exclusively. I date online but I also chat up women in bars, get introduced to friends of friends, talk to strangers in bookstores, parks, etc. You’re not one of “those people” if you date online.
Oh you want to save money on dating? Cool, me too. I’m a big fan of not spending 30 dollars a month for a dating website when there are free alternatives (Tinder, PlentyofFish, OkCupid). so don’t feel obligated to fork out cash for dates.
Is online dating a lot of work? It depends on who you are and what you want out of it honestly. Lots of guys ask how I’ve been so successful (depending on how you look at it) at online dating and my answer is: effort. I worked on my profile so that it initiates conversation, I view and rate a lot of people, and I write thoughtful messages whenever I get messages or winked at. Online dating, just like actual dating, takes work unless you’re Liam Hemsworth
Ladies, I love you, but you’re crazy. Seriously. I don’t think you get how easy dating can be sometimes.
Based on an informal sampling here are the most common reasons women don’t date online:
- It’s too much work
- What if I don’t get messages?
- I don’t have the time
- It’s not safe
- It stresses me out
I promise you it only takes as much work as you want it to. I’ve told you before about making a better online dating profile and given you tips on profile pictures so you already know it takes some work if you want to get quality messages. You also need to respond to the messages of guys you like. You know how people say you get what you pay for? Well with online dating you “pay” with your time and effort. If you put zero effort into meeting or vetting new dudes chances are you’re going to meet crappy guys.
On the other hand, if you’re just doing it to meet new people or make new friends (which is silly, but I’ll get to that at a later date) then by all means, put in minimal effort. It wont matter, you’ll be getting messages.
Which brings me to this: Will you get messages?
Do you know what Horse_ebooks is? Please read for context. Finished? Good
Now imagine you made an online dating profile and you only responded to messages that you received using tweets from Horse_ebooks. You’d probably never get responses right? Except you would
Point being, you will get messages no matter how unappealing you think you are. You’re fine just the way you are and a great guy is out there for you. He’s probably dating online
If you don’t have the time legitimately, online dating or otherwise, then maybe you shouldn’t be dating?. Come back to it when you actually have time to date. You can always just hang out with people. Dating doesn’t have to define you as a person
Is it safe? It’s as safe as any other form of dating. I won’t go into the sobering statistics* but studies show that acts of violence against women are more likely to be perpetrated by someone they know. The world is a dangerous place but online dating wont add to your risk factor.
Why do you think online dating stresses you out? Is it the content of the messages, the volume of the messages, the fact that you aren’t meeting Mr. Perfect, or are you unsure about your social obligations on a date?
Listen, first off, don’t sweat the messages. Just skim until you find one that piques your interest. If you aren’t getting messages from the types of guys you’re into, message them or wink/rate them. You will get rejected but it’s no big deal, trust me.
You haven’t met the perfect man yet why not change your behavior by trying online dating. It will only increase your odds of meetings someone new.
As for social obligations, there aren’t any besides what’s in the social contract. You don’t have to kiss, touch, or sleep with a guy because he bought you drinks. You can sleep with a guy if you want to. You can pay for your own drinks or expect to have them paid for.
Online dating is exactly like meeting someone in a bar ONCE YOU MEET IN PERSON
I cannot stress this enough. As soon as you are face to face you’re just two people on a date, nothing more.
Try to enjoy online dating because it really is one of the best ways to meet someone new.
Good luck out there