How To: Be Indifferent, Get Messages

So, you created a profile based on my tips about dating profiles and profile pics and you’re ready to get some dates. The problem is, no one is responding to any of your well crafted messages and you’ve since become discouraged. You’re wondering what to do now that you aren’t getting any responses.

Well I’ve got a potential solution: Stop messaging people and get them to message you.

I mentioned  in my tips on dating post that on my dating profile I state that people  shouldn’t message me and  it works for me. You were probably wondering, how do I not send messages but somehow get more messages?

Here are two things to do before you stop sending messages:

  • Make sure you include conversation starters topics on your profile. My profile mentions the following conversation starters: I’m an avid reader, I wear suits a lot, I’m an uncle, I read comics, I have a blog (but I don’t link to it), I like the show Homeland, I can cook, I have tattoos and finally that first messages are awkward. People can (and do) ask me about at least one of those if they’re genuinely interested in getting to know me. Make sure your conversation starters are personal and leading (tell me more about the last book you read, tell me about your blog, how old are your nieces and nephew, etc.)
  • No negativity on your profile. If you think that OkCupid and Online dating are weird keep it to yourself. People aren’t responding to your messages? Don’t put that in your profile. Cynicism has no place on a dating profile. You catch more flies with honey. You catch more dates with positivity. 

Okay now that we’ve got that out of the way, here is the key thing to do:

  • In your “You should message me if” section make it clear that you don’t send messages because it’s awkward and Quickmatching makes it less awkward. Ok remember how I said that I don’t send messages? I lied. I usually don’t send messages but I occasionally will just because I think things might click with someone. I’ll be honest though, those people either don’t respond or if they do it’s very polite but definitely doesn’t lead anywhere.

Ok, that was easy right. The next thing to do is really be committed to this idea and the work it involves. You thought it would be easy right? Well,  it requires a lot of  relatively easy, very repetitive work. Here is how to Be Indifferent and Get Messages:

  1. Do a lot of searching. Keep your search as broad as possible. Try going with the minimum maximum age range, marital status, and if the user has pictures.
  2. Make sure that you’re not browsing privately. People need to see your face.
  3. Visit a lot of profiles. On average I might view 100+ profiles a day.
  4. 4-5 Star rate people you genuinely find interesting and attractive
  5. Visit a profile only once. Very important that you don’t seem creepy when you don’t send messages. View, rate, close tab.
  6. Quickmatch, often. I quickmatch all the time, especially when I’m doing anything that requires very little brain power.
  7. Repeat Daily for best results. Increase dose as needed

Using these tips I average 115 views per week, which breaks down to about 10-15 quickmatches per week which leads to about 3-5 actual conversations.

Not only that but with all the conversation starters on my profile I generally get about 3-5 messages from people unrelated to my Quickmatching. All in all I’d say getting 10 messages  a week  is pretty impressive considering I’m not a shirtless male model.

Being Indifferent will get you messages and it will work. Think of yourself as a rare commodity (you are) and your profile and actions will get across the point that you’re 4-5 star rating is more valuable than the next person’s message. Scarcity principle applied to dating.

Good Luck out there

One thought on “How To: Be Indifferent, Get Messages

  1. Pingback: Why do girls keep ghosting on me? | Tao of Indifference

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